Joe's Jacket

The Right to Pull the Plug

2012-01-19T15:07:00.008-05:00

This morning I walked into City Hall in downtown Orlando and became the domestic partner of my boyfriend Dustin. Orlando passed a domestic partner registry in late 2011 and it officially took effect last week. I'm now officially bound to another human being.

Well, sort of.

The registry basically gives us the ability to make medical and funeral decisions for each other within the city limits of Orlando. Oh, and we can visit each other in jail. These are important rights to have, but are fairly limited.

The process was easy and smooth. We stood in the City Clerk's office in our work clothes initialing here and there and signing one form and it was done. We got a certificate and wallet size copies to carry around with us, which is nice since most people will probably require that we prove our partnership before we actually can exercise any of these rights. Though I could probably walk into any hospital in town and find an unconscious female around my age and claim I'm her husband with no questions asked (why hasn't some radical gay group tried that yet?).

Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of the people who fought to make this happen and I'm proud of the city of Orlando. As a city there isn't much more they can offer us when we live in a state and country that does not recognize our relationship. But the truth of the matter is that getting these few basic rights highlights the complete absurdity of this entire debate over gay marriage.

I spend most of my time trying not to think about the complete injustice and inequality that I am faced with on a daily basis as a gay person in this country. I think that's what most gay people do. We put on a good face. We make jokes. We live our lives. We drink a lot. But when I do think about it, I'm almost not even as angry as I am completely amazed and astonished. In some ways, I can't quite believe I live in a country that refuses to recognize my relationship, refuses to give me equal marriage or adoption rights, and even allows me to be fired for being gay. It's actually almost completely unbelievable. It's rather absurd that I had to go to City Hall today to get a piece of paper that pretty much only allows me to pull the plug on my partner of 8 years and only if we are right here in the city of Orlando. This absurdity hits even higher levels when we are constantly bombarded by political talk of "freedom" and the whole idea that we, as Americans, are leaders of freedom in the world. How do people still get away with saying this? When was it ever true?

Today was a nice experience. I have a certificate. I have these few rights. I was able to change my status on Facebook to "in a domestic partnership." I was offered many "likes" and "congrats," but I don't really know if there is much to celebrate. I don't mean to be a downer, but I'm also exhausted by acting as if everything is fine. It's actually not fine. A good portion of my friends could walk into a bar, find a member of the opposite sex, and marry them the next day with no questions asked. Yet, I can't marry someone I've been with for 8 years. I know people who have met someone, married them, and divorced them in less time.

Last year, I had to pay over $300 dollars in extra taxes that I wouldn't have had to pay had I been married to Dustin. The fact that I help support him while he goes to school and works a lower paying job has no effect on my tax information. He's my roommate legally and nothing more. This is true for even gay couples in states that have gay marriage. You still can't file joint federal taxes. The fact that my partner has a family that doesn't know me very well and hasn't always been very supportive of our relationship, could mean that if anything ever happened to Dustin, I could be left with nothing that he wanted me to have. This is a real issue that is facing lots of people in this country.

I appreciate all of the love and support that I have from my family and my friends. I'm happy that I got lots of "likes" and "congrats" on Facebook. But I also challenge each of these people to help in the fight for equality. Do you vote in every election? Just voting for the president doesn't do much. State and local people make a huge difference in this fight and every fight. Do you talk to people about gay rights issues, even if you are not gay yourself? We can't win this fight without the help of straight people who are willing to speak out and learn the facts. I know many who are and I'm thankful for them, but I also know many out of touch gay and straight people, who often don't even understand what a domestic partnership means. There's probably someone who read my status today and basically thinks I'm married. I'm far from married. What I got today is a far cry from equality.

We are taking steps, but sometimes these steps point out the injustice even more clearly. Domestic partner doesn't sound very romantic, does it?

-Stephen (Domesticated)

2012 Reading List

2012-01-01T19:33:00.002-05:00

I turn 30 this year, so I've made my 2012 reading list 30 titles long. These are the books I want to make sure I read in the new year. I did this last year and I really enjoyed having the list as a goal. It also made me read a few books I'd been meaning to for quite some time. I will, of course, read other books as well. I limited my list to novels and larger poetry books (mostly collected poems).

I tried to have a range of titles on the list. Some are classic novels that I've never read (like Lord of the Flies and 1984). Others are newer books or books highly recommended by my friends.

I'm posting my list, so you can see the titles I picked. It might also encourage you to make your own list.

1 Lord of the Flies by William Golding

2. 1984 by George Orwell

3. Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey

5. Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin

6. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

7. Orlando by Virginia Woolf

8. Light in August by William Faulkner

9. Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov

10. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster

11. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie

12. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy

13. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

14. The Secret History by Donna Tartt

15. 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami

16. We the Animals by Justin Torres

17. 11/22/63 by Stephen King

18. The Submission by Amy Waldman

19. The Broom of the System by David Foster Wallace

20. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

21. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

22. A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

23. A Monster’s Notes by Laurie Sheck

24. Assumption by Percival Everett

25. The Complete Poems: Anne Sexton by Anne Sexton

26. The Collected Poems by Sylvia Plath

27. Poems by Elizabeth Bishop

28. Stanzas in Meditation by Gertrude Stein

29. Birthday Letters: Poems by Ted Hughes

30. The Complete Poems of Hart Crane by Hart Crane

-Stephen (Reading)

12 for 12

2011-12-31T15:08:00.004-05:00

Today's the end of the year. In fact, I only have nine hours before the year goes up one. In a few hours I'll be heading out to my favorite gay club to ring in the new year with my partner, friends, and Tiffany (the 80's pop star). The weather is beautiful in Orlando today (currently 78 degrees) and tonight will be a great time I'm sure. But before the drinking starts and the partying, I wanted to sit down and set my goals for the coming year.

As I've stated in other posts, I don't use the word resolution. I say "goal." I can't predict the future. I don't know what 2012 holds. I do know that I can set goals and work hard to achieve them in the coming year and that's exactly what I'm doing today.

Here are my 12 goals for 2012:

1. Read the 30 books on my 2012 reading list. I'll be posting my list on my blog tomorrow, so stay tuned.

2. Work to complete a second poetry book manuscript. I have a start and some strong ideas. I'm going to be devoting my writing time in 2012 to exploring it and seeing where it takes me.

3. Write a short story. I haven't written fiction in a long time and would like to complete one short story in 2012. I have an idea, so I'll see what happens.

4. Cycling. I want to keep up with my cycling. I've really enjoyed taking spinning classes this past year and I enjoyed completing my first long-distance bike ride. I want to keep it up.

5. Continue doing interviews with poets on my blog. I won't probably be doing them every month, but I greatly enjoyed the process in 2011 and want to keep going. The interviews in 2012 will not be limited to emerging GLBT poets. I want to explore poets of all kinds.

6. Waste less time on the Internet. This is a goal we probably should all have. I know in the last year, I've had endless hours eaten up by Facebook, Twitter, and various other websites. I need to get better at going offline and focusing just on writing and reading.

7. Make new friends. I'm putting this on my list because I'm spending a lot of time in the beginning of the year traveling. I'll be in Chicago for AWP, in NYC for the Rainbow Book Fair, and then in Atlanta for a reading. I'm looking forward to meeting many people (many I've interacted with online for years, but haven't met face to face). I'll also be looking for new faces.

8. Write a critical essay and try to get it published. This was on my list last year and I didn't make it happen, so I'm putting it on here again.

9. Save money. Pay down debt. Not much more to say about this one.

10. Be less hard on myself and more willing to relax and enjoy the moment. I have some exciting things happening to me in 2012 and I want to enjoy them to the fullest. I'm looking to make my anxiety take a backseat position in my life.

11. Get a tattoo. I'm terrified of pain, but I've always had a desire to get a tattoo and I think I've finally come up with something that I want. I figure it's good to get your first tattoo before you turn 30. My time is running out.

12. Be living in New York City by the end of the year. Yes, this is my biggest goal of the year and one that I've put a lot of thought into and decided with my partner a few months ago. Much more on this in the coming months.

I wish you all a Happy New Year!

(Extra happiness to anyone who got the AbFab reference in this post)

-Stephen (Goalie)

2011: The Year That Was...

2011-12-29T16:08:00.004-05:00

I've always loved New Year's because I like new beginnings. I'm also a big reflector (meaning I overanalyze everything, worry about everything, and drive myself crazy, but reflector sounds nicer). I enjoy looking back on the year that's ending and seeing where I've come and where I want to go.

2011 had many ups and downs. I had personal struggles throughout the year, but I also had some great triumphs. My first book got officially accepted for publication, which is a moment you can't really forget. I've had a lot of poems published/accepted throughout the year in magazines that I respect. I've also kept writing and blogging. This year I completed my first ever long distance bike ride. I did the Smart Ride from Miami to Key West and raised nearly $1600 for HIV/AIDS. These were all amazing moments. I'm also lucky that I get to share such moments with my partner. This year we celebrated our 8 year anniversary, which is an accomplishment all its own. We aren't perfect, but we keep trying.

I learned some important lessons in 2011 about myself. I realized that my biggest struggle in life is that I'm extremely hard on myself and I set really high expectations for myself and often for the people around me. I'm then greatly disappointed and angry when I don't (or others don't) live up to the expectations. This is probably what gives me the drive that I have, but it can also be dangerous. I'm looking for a good balance. I've also learned the importance of strong relationships and friendships and also that some don't know the meaning of that concept. I want to fill my life with those who truly value friendship.

I turned 29 in 2011, which means I'm facing my last year of my 20s. I'm learning more and more everyday that I'm going to screw up and I have to accept that. Perfection is overrated. Plus if I didn't do half the stuff I do, I wouldn't have anything to write about.

Each year, I do set goals for myself. I don't call them resolutions, because that has such a negative connotation to it. I did fairly well on my goals for the year. I had 11 of them. I did eight of them and the ones I didn't do I have plans to complete.

One of my goals was to incorporate different voices into my blog. I did this through an interview series that went really well. I'm thrilled with the results and it brought a lot of different perspectives and readers to my blog. If you missed my interview series with emerging GLBT poets, check out the tab at the top. I did just ten. November and December proved to be a bit busy for me. This is something I want to continue in 2012, but probably not monthly.

I also made a big effort to read more (you can check out all the books I read in 2011 here). I wanted to complete a new chapbook length work, which I did. I wrote a long poem called "A Brief History of How My Parents Didn't Die," which is currently being considered for publication in a magazine. Another goal of mine was to cook a new recipe every week. I love cooking, which is something I don't often mention on my blog. I did a really great job with this goal. There were a handful of weeks I didn't make something new, but many weeks I made two or three new recipes, so it all worked out.

I didn't do a poetry reading, but I have four scheduled for the first months of 2012, so that goal will soon be met. I also didn't get a critical essay written or published. I want to make this happen soon.

All in all, 2011 was a really productive year, but I think 2012 is going to be even better. I have big plans in 2012 and I can't wait to share them with all of you.

-Stephen (Reflecting)

My Next Creative Move

2011-12-21T15:51:00.002-05:00

It's the end of year, which is a good time to look to the future and plan for the coming year. This December, I'm in a very different place creatively than I was last year. The last few months I've done very little writing. Most of my writing time I've used to make small adjustments to my upcoming first book. I've had to get blurbs, think about cover art, and make some edits. I've also been basking in the excitement of actually having a book coming out. Most of the work is done and now I wait until its release date in March, which leaves me wondering what's next?

I'm a poet who writes a lot and is always in need of a creative project. It drives me, keeps me focused, and feeds a certain part of me. Basically, it's what stops me from being completely insane. In the last few years, my projects have ranged. Sometimes I've focused on a series of poems or a long poem. I've also had this first book manuscript floating around, which I no longer have (I'm not complaining). My first book is a done deal. Those poems are gone. So again, what's next?

In the last three months, as I've worked on various tasks dealing with my first book, I've been slowly playing with some new ideas. I've made some notes. I've done some research. I've even written out a few drafts. All of this has lead me to a new creative project (I hope).

My work has continued to grow and move in different directions. Often directions I never expected. I've really been examining what a long poem can do and that is evident in my first book (one poem takes up 18 pages of the book). It seems my logical next step is to attempt to write an entire book length work that is very interconnected (if not, one long poem). I envision it having breaks and subtitles, but very much working as one piece.

I'm not going to say too much about the subject matter, but it deals with the domestic sphere, the 1950s and 60s, mother/son relationships, therapy, drinking, Mad Men, Grace Kelly, Frank O'Hara, 21st century gay life, and more.

This is going to be my new project in 2012. I plan to spend a lot of my writing time in the first part of the year exploring the idea and seeing where it can take me.

Of course, I will also be devoting a lot of my time to promoting my first book and enjoying the ride.

Here's to another year and another project!

-Stephen (Idea)

2011: 43 Books Read

2011-12-18T15:08:00.003-05:00

I've always been a big reader and I'm a firm believer that reading is key to being a successful writer. I've spent a good portion of my life in school. I went from high school straight to college and then straight to graduate school. During these years I read plenty and had a clear way to account for that reading. Since leaving grad school, I've read, but I haven't done a good job of keeping track of what I've read.

In 2011, I made an effort to change that. I made a reading list of books I wanted to read (29 of them). I read most of them. I also read a lot of books not on the list. In the end I read 43 books between mid-December last year and mid-December this year. I think this is pretty good for having a full-time job and spending a lot of my free time on my own writing and poetry career. I enjoyed keeping a clear list of the books I read and I thought I'd share it here on my blog.

Here are the books I spent my year reading. What did you read?

1. What Other Choice by Jeremy Halinen

2. The Book of Frank by CAConrad

3. Slut Machine by Shane Allison

4. Handmade Love by Julie R. Enszer

5. Museum of False Starts by Chip Livingston

6. Pleasure by Brian Teare

7. The Salt Ecstasies by James L. White

8. Come on All You Ghosts by Matthew Zapruder

9. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

10. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

11. Talking About Movies with Jesus by David Kirby

12. I Have to Go Back to 1994 and Kill and Girl by Karyna McGlynn

13. The Captain Asks for a Show of Hands by Nick Flynn

14. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

15. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon

16. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

17. Road Work Ahead by Raymond Luczak

18. Inheritance by Steven Reigns

19. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

20. The Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith

21. Blood Almanac by Sandy Longhorn

22. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

23. Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

24. Boy with Flowers by Ely Shipley

25. Closer by Christopher Stephen Soden

26. Slow to Burn by Collin Kelley

27. A Fast Life: The Collected Poems of Time Dlugos edited by David Trinidad

28. A History of the World in 10 ½ Chapters by Julian Barnes

29. Dancer from the Dance by Andrew Holleran

30. The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta

31. Dear Prudence: New and Selected Poems by David Trinidad

32. Child of God by Cormac McCarthy

33. The Great Fires by Jack Gilbert

34. Beloved by Toni Morrison

35. The Best of It by Kay Ryan

36. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

37. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

38. The Weary World Rejoices by Steve Fellner

39. Fat Girl by Jessie Carty

40. When the Only Light is Fire by Saeed Jones

41. Sonics in Warholia by Megan Volpert

42. Collective Brightness edited by Kevin Simmonds

43. Nox by Anne Carson

-Stephen (Reader)

My 5 Favorite Novels of 2011

2011-12-14T15:02:00.007-05:00

One of my goals of 2011 was to read more fiction. I've spent the last few years really focusing on poetry (writing it and reading it). This year, I wanted to get back to reading fiction as well as poetry. To do this I made a reading list for the year. I didn't quite make it to all the books on the list, but I read quite a few not on the list so it all worked out. Regardless, the list gave me a great starting point and forced me to read a few books I probably wouldn't have without it. I also kept a list of all the titles I actually did read. I'll be posting it later this month.

This post is devoted to briefly writing about my favorite novels I read. None of these books were published in 2011, but I read them for the first time this year.

1. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

I love Faulkner, but had never read this novel by him and I'm so glad that I did. It's a quick read and one that highlights a family on a nearly impossible journey to bury their wife/mother. As I've stated before, I'm a huge Modernist. I've studied that period more than any other and Faulkner is one of the greatest American examples of Modernism. The internal struggles he captures is flawless and truly gets at the human condition.

2. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

Two of my friends (who sometimes have different tastes) highly recommended this book to me, so I put it on my list. As a Midwesterner myself, I quickly fell into this novel and the characters it so carefully describes. Some aspects cut a little close to home and gave me that wonderful uncomfortable feeling that good literature can create. In the end, the book is a terribly sad, but real look at what happens to us all as we grow older. Franzen's writing is sharp and entertaining. It's actually somewhat a Christmas novel, but not very cheerful. It's also getting made into an HBO series, which is greatly intriguing.

3. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon

This book perhaps surprised me more than any other on the list. This is partly because I didn't really know what to expect. A good friend of mine recommended I read it and it sounded intriguing, but I was really blown away by the writing and style of the book. It's a super quick read. I read it in one day. The story is told from the perspective of a 15-year-old autistic boy investigating the murder of his neighbor's poodle. I actually hate stories where dogs die, so it's really a testament to this book that I loved it so much. If I ever teach a fiction workshop, I would use this book to discuss voice. A strange fact about the book is that it is sold as a children's book in the UK and as an adult book here (I think that speaks for itself).

4. Beloved by Toni Morrison

I totally forgot how much I love Toni Morrison. I've read a few of her other novels and Song of Solomon is one of my all-time favorite novels, yet I was still so wowed by Beloved. Morrison's use of language is truly unbeatable in contemporary literature. She really is the poet's fiction writer. She writes about such horrific events and tragedies, yet her language is beautiful, moving, and often overwhelming.

5. Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

I'll be honest: I rarely read a novel if I've seen the movie version first. I typically like to read the book first and then see the movie. In the case of Revolutionary Road, I saw the film first and just this year read the book. I'm so glad that I did. I had mixed feelings about the movie. I love Kate Winslet, but overall I felt something was missing from that film and the ending didn't feel believable to me. I didn't have any of those issues with the novel and the ending is the same. The novel is amazing. It's such a great exploration of the choices we make in life and how we often trap ourselves. As in most cases, the book out-shined the film.

-Stephen (Reading)

My Five Favorite Poetry Books of 2011

2011-12-08T12:12:00.008-05:00

When thinking about making my end of the year list of poetry books, I wanted to avoid the word "best." Are these the best poetry books from the year? Maybe they are, but "best" is very subjective and I didn't read every poetry book released this year, so I'm sticking with the word "favorite."

I read many other great poetry books this year that were not released in 2011, but I wanted to promote these newer releases, so I kept the list focused on the past year. Whether these are the best or my favorite, these are all remarkable books that I highly recommend checking out or giving as a gift this holiday season.

1. A Fast Life: The Collected Poems of Tim Dlugos edited by David Trinidad (Nightboat Books)

If I had to name just one book that changed me this year, it would be this one. Reading over five hundred pages of poems by just one person can be a really amazing experience. Dlugos work ranges in subject matter and sometimes style, but his poems always shine light on real and everyday life. I related a lot to how he approaches poetry and brings in his life, his friends, and his experiences. Dlugos is not a super well-known poet, but I have a pretty good feeling that this is about to change. This book is important for getting his work out there. Dlugos died of complications from AIDS in 1990. Trinidad does a wonderful job of editing the collection and giving us a useful introduction, timeline, and notes section in the back. This is a collected edition that is well worth reading cover to cover. For more on my thoughts about the book see my blog post from September.

2. The Weary World Rejoices by Steve Fellner (Marsh Hawk Press)

Steve Fellner graciously wrote a blurb for my upcoming book, but that is not why his newest book is on my list. I hadn't read his newest book when I asked him to write the blurb for mine. When I did, I realized that our books actually (in some ways) deal with very similar issues. A lot of Fellner's book examines fear, death, murder, and the current state of the world we live in as gay men and people. I also love the title of the book because it feels so fitting for this moment in history and for these poems. The book also includes a series of poems dealing with the murder of Matthew Shepard. It's a quick and thrilling read and one I highly recommend.

3. The Captain Asks for a Show of Hands by Nick Flynn (Graywolf Press)

I read this book back in March, but it has stayed with me. What I love about Flynn's book, is that it showcases what you can do with poetry and how poetry can give new insight into important world and political issues. A lot of the book deals with torture and uses the testimonies of the detainees from Abu Ghraib. This book is a perfect example of documentary poetry and is well worth the read. See more about my reaction to the book in my blog post from April.

4. Dear Prudence: New and Selected Poems by David Trinidad (Turtle Point Press)

David Trinidad had a good year. He edited Dlugos' collection, but also released a great collection himself that is well over 400 pages. This book showcases the best of Trinidad's past work, but also includes some great new poems. I'm a lover of pop culture in poetry and Trinidad is perhaps one of the greatest current poets doing just that. You do have to be prepared. If you read this book, you are going to read a lot of poems about Barbies and The Patty Duke Show as well as many other 1960s classics. In 2011, I really fell in love with reading collected or selected books. It's a great way to really get invested in a poet and explore their work fully. If you haven't read much of Trinidad, this is the perfect introduction.

5. Sonics in Warholia by Megan Volpert (Sibling Rivalry Press)

This book was officially released two days ago, but made it just in the nick of time. I've read quite a few poems about Andy Warhol in the past, but I've never really been amazed by them, so a whole book exploring the ghost of Andy Warhol might seem like a book I wouldn't like very much, but I loved this book. Volpert doesn't try to imitate Warhol in these poems, but rather has a strong and unique voice all her own. You learn a great deal from reading these poems and seeing the interesting, ironic, and sometimes bizarre connections between the speaker's life and Warhol's. This collection is completely made up of prose poems, which adds another interesting layer to the book. It's a fun read, but also thought-provoking in the very best ways. For more about Volpert, check out the interview I did with her back in October.

-Stephen (Poet)

Best TV Shows of 2011

2011-12-05T10:48:00.011-05:00

One thing I love about the end of the year is end of the year lists. Once December starts, everyone begins compiling their lists of best movies, books, TV shows, games, tricks, etc. These lists are fun because they really mean very little, but can spark interesting discussions and arguments.

Each December on this blog, I've made my own lists. Often my lists have different rules. For example, I don't always write about stuff that was released in the current year, but rather stuff I experienced for the first time during that year.

This year, I'm kicking things off with a list that plays by the rules. Here are my picks for the seven best TV shows currently airing on television. I only selected shows that had new episodes in 2011 (which is why one of my favorite shows, Mad Men, is missing from the list).

In some ways, current television has hit rock bottom and in others it's soaring to new and exciting places. We are all witnessing the collapse of major network television and the rise and complete take over of cable shows. The major networks, for the most part, have been producing the same crap year after year after year and most of it isn't worth watching. I hardly watch any shows on the major networks. They just don't interest me. This is why the majority of my picks are from cable networks.

Here are my picks (in alphabetical order):

1. Boardwalk Empire (HBO)

Boardwalk Empire is a show that takes a little time to get invested in, but once you do, you can't stop watching. The show has lots of characters and some complicated storylines that blend history with fiction. It's a violent show, but also a subtle show. It's not as fast-paced as some might expect and honestly the most interesting parts of the show often have little to do with the overall 1920s mob theme. The female characters shine in the rather male-dominated world of Atlantic City during prohibition. They did recently kill a favorite character of mine, but I'm dealing (in fairness, the scene was well done and realistic). The series completes its second season next week and I can't wait to see where this show goes from here.

2. Dexter (Showtime)

Who doesn't love Michael C. Hall? He's a great actor and so fully embodies his character. Dexter is currently airing its sixth season. For a series, getting up there in age, it continues to entertain and surprise. I won't say it is always the best written show, but it rises above so many police/crime based series and sometimes the writing is spot on and sharp. Dexter and Deb are really well-written characters. This season has dealt greatly with religion and spiritually, but has managed to not become cliche or completely predictable. The big reveal of the season did leave me with mixed feelings (from a writing perspective), but overall it's been an interesting and enjoyable season and I look forward to the final episodes.

3. Downton Abbey (BBC)

This is British television at its very best. The show follows both the servants and the family who live in Downton Abbey in the early 20th century. The second season, which recently aired, focused on World War I and dealt with it in surprising and interesting ways. The show is the perfect blend of drama, humor, and romance. Plus, Maggie Smith has about four or five amazing one-liners in each episode. I so want to be her when I grow up.

4. Game of Thrones (HBO)

I don't watch much fantasy based shows or movies, but when I heard about HBO doing Game of Thrones, I was intrigued. After watching the first two episodes I was hooked. It's not a show for everyone. You really have to pay close attention (especially if you've never read the books, which I haven't). There are many, many characters and lots going on in each and every episode. You also never know who is going to die, which I like. The show doesn't play by the same rules as most TV shows. No one is safe. I'm excited for season two coming in the spring of 2012.

5. Parks and Recreation (NBC)

This is one of the most consistently funny shows on TV right now. It's a show that NBC actually supported and gave time to grow. In season three, the show really found its footing and season four has been great so far. I might have a slight soft spot for the show because I'm from Indiana and there is some good Indiana humor in it. If you haven't been watching, you should. It's smart, quirky, and always funny.

6. True Blood (HBO)

What I love about True Blood is that it's so self-aware. It's playing with the vampire genre and having so much fun doing it. The show can be silly, over the top, scary, sexy, and even make some great political and social commentary. The show is smart. The fourth season, which aired in the summer, was a great season in the end. It started off a little slow, but the second half really did some great stuff. Plus, this show has the sexiest men and they are naked a lot. What more could you want?

7. The Walking Dead (AMC)

There's a lot of reasons why I might not like this show. The writing can be a bit cheesy and many of the characters are really flat, but somehow I want to keep watching. The Walking Dead has a good concept and some good zombies, but it's really a show about how people react in mass chaos. The second season, which began in October, has proven to be much stronger than the first season. A few of the characters have broken out of their flatness and have become the most interesting parts of the show (I'm talking about Daryl and Shane). The first seven episodes of the season slowly built up to an explosive mid-season finale. The last ten minutes of the last episode proved the show could write and direct a pretty amazing scene, which makes me really look forward to the rest of season two, which returns to AMC in February. Even with my doubts, this show is something different and interesting to watch.

-Stephen (Watching)

The Poetry of AIDS

2011-11-30T19:17:00.005-05:00

I can't remember the first time I heard the word AIDS. It was probably on TV and I was probably around eight. Growing up in a smallish Midwest city, I was not faced with too many people willing to discuss the topic, but I do remember it being treated very carefully. No one spoke of AIDS like they did of cancer.

My childhood and teen years were filled with fragments of news stories involving AIDS. There was the one about the dentist who was possibly infecting patients. There were the rumors of people putting infected HIV needles in movie theater seats. Then of course there was the story of Ryan White who lived about an hour or two from where I grew up in Indiana. All I really knew was that AIDS was something to fear.

The first time I heard about World AIDS Day was in the church I attended with my family as a teenager. I remember one year in the late 1990s when one of our pastors gave a sermon discussing the AIDS crisis. It was right around and even possibly right on World AIDS Day (December 1st). By this point, more people were comfortable discussing AIDS, but most conversations, at least in the Midwest, focused on the crisis in Africa.

World AIDS Day is a day to reflect on the lives lost and the lives changed by HIV/AIDS. It is also a day to recognize that this is a world problem, but to also look at our own communities. This is a special World AIDS Day for me. Almost two weeks ago, I completed the Smart Ride (see my previous blog post for details), which raises money for local HIV/AIDS organizations. I'm proud of what I've helped do and the money I raised, but I know there is much more that can be done.

I've known various people who are positive, but I've never been super close with them and I've never lost anyone to HIV/AIDS, yet it's been a cause that's weighed heavily on me and one I've cared a great deal for in my life so far. This has a lot to do with poetry.

Through poetry, I've experienced many aspects of the AIDS crisis. In fact, we owe a great deal to many of the gay poets who wrote down their experiences, their fears, their confusions, their insights, and their hopes. The AIDS crisis within the gay community is captured in the poetry of the 80s and 90s. These poems come from those infected and dying, those infected but surviving, and those witnessing it all. By reading these works by living and dead poets, I've been transported to a different time and place not that long ago, but so very different from my childhood and teenage years in Indiana. It's strange to think all of that was happening and I wasn't really aware. Of course, I didn't really know another gay person until I was 20 and gay people weren't really discussed much in my hometown, so it's no surprise.

In the last two years, I've been exploring the idea of poetry as documentation and the significance of using poetry to explore very real and very complicated situations. The AIDS poems I'm thinking of, do just that. These poems bring facts, but also faces to the issue. The gay community was one of the first groups of people widely infected, but they were also the first to stand up and put their faces with a disease everyone was terrified of and didn't understand. That's pretty brave.

These poems continue to help people understand what it means to face HIV/AIDS and how it has changed and not changed. I'm going to continue my efforts in the fight against HIV/AIDS and I'm going to keep reading.

The Smart Ride: A Reflection

2011-11-26T15:06:00.006-05:00

Last week, I completed The Smart Ride, which was a 165 mile charity bike ride from Miami to Key West. The event raised money for HIV/AIDS. My partner and I decided to do the ride months ago and officially signed up in June. Knowing this was going to be challenging, we prepared ourselves. We joined a gym in May. We went to lots of spinning classes and rode our bikes many weekends on a bike trail here in Orlando. We also had to heavily promote and ask for money. Each rider was required to raise at least $1250, which was daunting.

I decided to do this ride for a couple of reasons. I deeply care about the cause and thought this would be a great way to raise a lot of money and to bring more awareness to the issue. I also thought it would be fun. If you are going to ride your bike a long distance, it might as well be somewhere pretty like the road to Key West. But honestly, the biggest reason I decided to do this ride was to push myself physically. A few months ago I wrote a blog post about my fears of the gym. I've never felt adequate when it comes to athletics. Doing this ride was about proving to myself that I could do it.

When we arrived in Miami on Thursday of last week, I was terrified. I knew I had prepared, but I also knew I could have done more. Everything I had set into motion months ago was finally coming to ahead and I had no choice but to do it. There was no backing out.

On Friday morning, we arrived at the ride-out spot. Everyone seemed calmer than me, but I'm sure that's just my perception. The great thing about this ride is that it brings a wide range of people together. Some are very serious cyclists. Others are first timers. Others are there mostly because of the cause. There is a big age range. Gay people. Straight people, etc.

We lined our bikes up for the big group ride out, which was a little scary. Nearly 400 riders pedaling close together is asking for trouble. We took it slow and soon enough everyone spread out. As the group got more spread out, I quickly began to relax and sink into what I had practiced. It was pretty easy going for the first thirty miles, but then some strong wind came through, making it a lot harder. At this point I began to doubt myself and question why I would have ever signed up to do this kind of thing.

That's about the time the rain started. I had prepared for a lot of things, but not for rain. This was one of my lowest moments on the ride. There I was 40 some miles out of Miami on a bike in pouring rain and I was cursing everything and everyone, but I kept pedaling. The thing is, you don't have a lot of choice. The rain is coming down and the only way to get out of the rain is to ride out of it.

We eventually did and made it to the lunch pit stop (53 miles into the ride). At lunch, I wanted to quit. I was wet. The hot sun was back out. All there was to eat was a veggie burger that I had no interest in. There was a man beside me talking about peeing on himself while riding. I was pretty miserable. I also knew we had almost 50 miles to go before the day would be over. I really wanted to give up.

It would have been easy to give up, but something wouldn't let me do it. In some ways, I wouldn't let the full thought go through my head. Also, if I just made myself get back on the bike, it was done. I was moving again. Miles were being crossed off, because in a ride like this everything is about miles. One more down. Ten more to the next pit stop. 115 until the end of the two day ride.

After lunch, my energy was super low. I'm not good at eating in the heat, which makes doing things like this hard. I had to basically force myself to eat. As we rode on, I got slower and slower and thankfully my partner stuck with me. It's funny, you think doing a ride with 300 to 400 riders would mean you see people all the time, but you actually don't. There were many times I could only see Dustin and he could only see me.

About halfway to the first pit stop after lunch, I had to stop along the road. I was feeling completely overwhelmed. It really is the only way to describe the feeling. I felt constantly on the verge of tears and I couldn't fully place my emotions. It was there, 60 some miles into the ride, that I felt I needed a break. Thankfully, the ride was very well organized and they had a great motorcycle crew who basically kept track of all the riders. At this point, we were in the last 20 or 30 riders due to my slowing down. Soon enough, one of the motorcycle guys was there asking if we needed any help. Throughout the ride, they provide what they call "SAG" vehicles. They will pick you up and take you to the next pit stop or wherever you feel you need to go. I wasn't proud, but I got a "SAG" ride to the next pit stop, which was 9 miles. Dustin came with me. It gave me a chance to breathe and to reflect on what I'd done so far (oh and to sit in A/C).

When we got dropped off at the next pit stop, I had a decision to make. I could call it quits or I could finish the day (30 more miles). More than anything, I didn't want to disappoint myself, so I got back on that bike. Pain rushed through my ass, my shoulders ached, but I kept pedaling. The last 30 miles on day one were the hardest of the ride. I was exhausted. I was, honestly, an emotional wreck. Luckily, no one could see the tears in my eyes. When I rode into the resort we were staying the night in, I had never felt so overcome with relief and accomplishment. I technically only rode 91 miles on day one, but I didn't give up and that small ride in a truck for 9 miles, gave me the strength to do those last 30.

In Duck Key, we stayed the night at a beautiful resort called Hawk's Cay. We ate dinner, but skipped the evening entertainment in favor of bed. There in bed, I became overwhelmed by the fact that we had 65 miles to go the next day. My body ached. Plus, I guess I should mention, I was running a low grade fever the few days before the ride and during the ride, which wasn't helping. There in the arms of my man, I cried and let everything out (I'm honestly not a crier, which is why all this crying was freaking me out).

In the morning, after 12 hours of sleep, I moved through the motions of getting ready and told myself I'm doing it. I'm doing all 65 miles and I'm riding into Key West. Something clicked in my head. I wanted to do this ride to prove I could be athletic and do something physically challenging. I focused so much on the physical, but in reality it was the mental that was the problem. Yes, my body was sore, but I'd trained my legs exactly right. They could do it. They had the strength and were actually the things that hurt the least. I was sore from being hunched over a bike for seven hours, but that's going to happen to anyone. Physically, I had done it.

Those last 65 miles became about mind over matter. The most physically challenging thing I've ever tried to do, became the biggest mental challenge. I had to ignore the uncomfortable feelings in my ass, crotch, and back. I had to focus on getting done and completing the ride. I pulled through and rode all 65 miles and arrived in Key West feeling empowered.

In the end, when I was standing on the pier in Key West in a sea of bikes, I realized I had been part of something pretty amazing. I'd spent much of the ride focusing on myself, but there, with the sea air and all the faces of the riders, I saw the impact of what we'd all done. HIV/AIDS is something that nearly destroyed the gay community. I honestly can't imagine what it was like to be in a highly populated gay area in the 80s and early 90s. I can't imagine the fear, misunderstanding, and pain. Luckily, there's been huge improvements and it's not the death sentence it once was. It is, however, still scary and life-changing and people still need help and support. There in Key West, I was surrounded by others like me (younger and negative), but I was also there with positive men, men and women who had lost loved ones, and people who face HIV/AIDS every day in some capacity.

This year's Smart Ride raised $675, 724, which is just amazing. All of that money goes to six local HIV/AIDS organizations in the state of Florida. I raised $1575 myself and I'm thankful to all who donated.

If you had asked me during the ride would I ever do this again, I would have said no. A day or two after the ride, walking the streets of Key West with Dustin, I realized I would do it again. It changed me and pushed me in ways I didn't expect. It truly was a very emotional event for me and I'm so thankful to have done it. I'm also thankful that I have such an amazing partner who is always willing to do new things with me. We will both be back for another one someday.

-Stephen (Smart)

My Book Cover

2011-11-15T12:43:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about my search for cover art for my upcoming first book of poems. For me, the process of deciding a cover was complicated and required a lot of time staring at images on my computer screen. In the post, I mentioned how lucky I am to be working with a press that gave me final approval on the cover. They were great to work with and very willing to listen to my ideas and my criticism of the various covers placed before me.

In some ways, I had a clear image in my head that I was having difficulty communicating. I wanted something a little edgy and a little unsettling. I also quickly found myself drawn to using a mouth on the cover. The title of the book has "voices" in it and the idea of having an image that showcased the mouth more prominently than anything else struck me as the right move.

The final result is the image to the right and I'm very pleased with how it turned out. This is my first book of poems and it's very personal to me and this image feels just right for these poems. Of course, I'm sure some won't like it. It's sort of like naming your child. Everyone has an opinion about the name you selected, but I'm happy with my choice.

I thought I would officially release the image here, before people saw it on promotional materials. Today marks the four month countdown to the release of He Do the Gay Man in Different Voices. I can't wait for you all to read it.

-Stephen (Cover)

The Business of Poetry

2011-11-09T09:52:00.004-05:00

The word business has a lot of negative connotations that comes with it. Often one thinks of big business, of underpaid workers and CEOs with private jets, and of greedy men in suits. In some ways, this is fair and understandable. This is typically why many hate to use the word "business" when it comes to the arts.

This has been on my mind a lot recently as I prepare for the launch of my first book of poems in March. Poets like many other artists are often afraid of the word business. There is a concept that if you make money or become successful that you've somehow sold out and that to be a true artist you must suffer.

In the poetry word, the idea of success is a little different. It's very difficult to make lots of money as a poet, so you might think this idea wouldn't be such an issue, but to some it is. The other day on my Facebook newsfeed, I saw a poet post that another poet had contacted him saying he should stop promoting his book on Facebook so much, because it looked desperate.

There seems to be a school of thought that says if you are poet you should do nothing to promote yourself and should just sit and wait as if magically people will flock to you. Perhaps this is why so many poetry presses are so bad at marketing books. Is it an elitist thing? Is it laziness? Is it some internal honor that I don't have or understand?

Why is promoting your work and gaining more readers negative or desperate? Poetry books aren't that easy to come by and many people don't know what's out there, if you don't tell them. Social networking has made it so easy for writers of all kinds to promote their work. I post all the time about magazines or journals that I've been published in and I encourage people to buy copies. I'll be doing the same with my book. It's also the reason to do poetry readings. Is it desperate to want a few people to buy your book and to maybe make a few bucks?

This isn't something new facing writers today. Poets used to be paid by kings and queens and other wealthy people to entertain them. 19th century novelists often had their work serialized and were paid by the word, which is why many of those novels are so long. Yet, we hold many of these writers in high esteem. Why should it be any different for writers today? It seems some are holding writers and artists to standards that perhaps never really existed.

There is a business side to being a published writer and it doesn't have to be a negative business. Some writers/artists want to place themselves above this concept of business. That is fine, but you probably won't ever get your work out there. I write because I love it, but I also write because I want to share my work with others and to do that I have to focus on the business side from time to time.

In the last three years, I've gotten a lot of poems accepted for publication and the primary reason for that is that I've spent a lot of time researching places to submit and doing submissions. This is part of being a published writer. Is it fun? Most of the time, no. Does it take a lot of time? Yes. Submissions is part of the business. You can't just sit in your apartment and wait for someone to magically find your poem on your hard-drive and want to publish it.

Being proud of your work and promoting it, doesn't make you any less of a writer. When my book comes out, you can count on me to be posting and promoting about it as much as I can. I owe that to myself and to my publisher. Don't fear, I'm a long way from a private jet or even a nice suit.

-Stephen (Busy)

It's November!

2011-11-01T14:05:00.004-04:00

It is hard to believe that 2011 is heading to its close. It is already November and while I absolutely love October and Halloween (as you can see from the picture), I've always had a soft spot for November. This is probably because it is my birth month and who doesn't like a month where you can make people be nice to you and buy you things and eat cake?

This November is special because it is not only my birthday, but I'm also about to complete a huge challenge that I set myself up for a few months ago. Last summer, Dustin and I decided to register for the Smart Ride, which is a 165 mile bike ride from Miami to Key West. It raises money for those living with or affected by HIV/AIDS. The ride is November 18th and 19th.

It is one thing to sign up for a ride and another to properly prepare for it. I have to say I am very pleased with Dustin and myself. We've being seriously preparing and working hard and we have both raised the required $1250.00. I am still taking donations. I would love to get to $1500.00 and I have about $150 to go. If you would like to help out, you can donate by going to this link.

Completing this ride means a lot to me. This is a cause I truly care about and the ride also represents a personal challenge to myself. I've never been a big athletic person, so doing this ride has made me go outside my comfort zone, which is something we all need to do sometimes. It's been a rewarding experience so far and I can't want to actually do the ride.

I do have a pretty good reward at the end. We will be staying in Key West for a few days and will be there on my birthday. This year I turn 29 and I honestly can't wait for the next year of my life. I have a lot of big plans and goals and I want to make my last year of my 20s the best one yet.

Here's to a great November!

-Stephen (28 going on 29)

Interview Series: Megan Volpert

2011-10-29T15:26:00.002-04:00

Happy Halloween weekend! Since October is almost over, it is time to post my monthly interview with an emerging GLBT poet. This month’s poet comes to us from Atlanta, is about to publish her fourth collection, and just turned 30 this month. Her name is Megan Volpert and I greatly enjoyed getting to talk with her. Megan and I will be crossing paths again in Atlanta in April for a poetry reading.

Until then, check out our conversation!

S: What got you into poetry? Can you pinpoint the moment when you realized you were a poet?

M: I had more books than toys as a kid, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. But the first time I recall a poem really just stabbing me in the chest with its awesomeness would be my junior year of high school, reading Eliot's "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" in class. People always say that clichéd thing to me, that I'm an old soul, but I guess this moment proves there's a truth there. I remember the kid next to me was dozing off, and I just thought, "wow, that kid is a moron. He's missing this life-changing idea."

The first time I realized I was a poet was probably my first time at an open mic. I did my undergrad at Illinois State. Everybody knows that Normal, Illinois, has one of the most beloved geek squads of slam poets on the national scene. It's because there's so much crossover between the local slam and the speech/forensics kids. Well, I was a debate team kid who shared an office with the speechies, and they encouraged me to come see them at the slam. By the end of that first slam, everything in my body was just viscerally screaming, "you have to do this! Take the mic!" So that was the impulse not merely to scribble alone in my dorm, but to share. The sharing part is, I think, the essential element of recognizing that one is a writer.

S: That is well put. Sharing your work for the first time is a big step in the process. I can still remember the first poem I read my freshman year of college at an open mic. night. It is an important moment.

I always love talking to poets whose work is very different from my own. After reading some of your work, I can see that we have very different styles and approaches to poetry. How do you personally describe your work when asked about it?

M: I try to describe individual works, not "my work" in general. It's too eclectic--I hope! Through the years, I've been labeled (or libeled) a number of things, even things that compete or contradict: slammer, spoken word artist, performance poet or artist, language poet, linguistic theorist, pop culture theorist, psychoanalyst, queer, feminist, surrealist, confessionalist, dadaist, essayist, prose poet, hybrid poet, et cetera. It's been nice to keep surprising people, and poking holes in those expectations. I guess that means one feature of "my work" is that it aims to defy any expectation; it aims to turn smoothly and grippingly, to corner like it's on rails. I think also that across the books there is a certain tone, a voice that is growing increasingly clear. It has a dryness of wit, or maybe even a sarcasm, that continually rears up. But now I'm just paying myself senseless compliments, so I'll stop "describing" there.

S: As you have mentioned, you do slam poetry and have competed in the National Poetry Slam competition. How do you approach writing a slam piece? How is it different from writing a poem that’s meant to be read on the page?

M: I'm worried about using the present tense to answer this question. I was in competition as a slam poet for the better part of the '00s, and though I still pay it some attention, I know that I am not really part of that community anymore. When I wrote pieces expressly for slamming, I considered many angles of the thing. What did I want to say? What sounds did I want to make? What images would lend themselves well to blocking for the stage? What kind of hook would be best? What structure can I use to help memorize it? Ultimately, I stopped slamming because these questions led me to focus far too much on what others had done to be successful. I became unable to write what I wanted, writing instead what I thought would be winning poems. The competition aspect became too important, so I had to ditch out in order to save my ability to write. I miss it sometimes, but I am not sorry I quit competing.

So it is somewhat different from writing a poem for the page, depending on the extent to which you are willing to allow the directly competitive aspects of it to ruin you. But I learned so much about what makes a good poem, and the instinct to win over a crowd still serves me well at readings. This is one thing I am pretty sure about though: a poem built for only the page or only the stage is most likely a failure. All poets ought to make the most of both.

S: Those are interesting insights. I’m not overly familiar with the slam poetry scene or the competition involved. I do, however, read almost all poetry books aloud to myself. Hearing is key.

In December, your fourth collection is coming out from Sibling Rivalry Press. Your other books were put out by different presses. What has your publishing experience been like? Do you have advice for other poets?

M: Sibling Rivalry is my third press. Two of my books are with BlazeVOX, and one is with MetroMania. Presses are like snowflakes, and I've been fortunate to have pretty good experiences every time. My first try was fraught with tension, but that was more my own baggage and not realizing what real publication is all about. The process can be harrowing at first, and I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I learned things about myself, such as that I like to have a lot of creative control over the look of the final product. So I keep to the small/indy presses, in order to ensure the cover comes out how I imagine it, that the blurbs are from people I care about, and so on.

Getting a book ready for publication is one thing, but then putting it out there on the market is quite another. There is sadly little audience for contemporary poetry, and the realization that one's book will not sell hundreds of pre-orders can surprise poets who do not understand the business end of poetry. Very few presses want to put real money toward the publicity or touring of a poetry collection, so poets are doing more of their own legwork than ever. Because of my slam experience, I had a somewhat more do-it-yourself attitude already in place. The rise of social media has made doing publicity both more and less difficult.

I have one piece of advice for other poets: do not pin your self-worth on the dream of winning a Pulitzer. A dozen poets are born every day, and dozens of poetry collections debut every month. Let yourself be special by staying true to the writer that you are, and if it turns out that the writer you are is the one in a million capable of garnering fame or fortune through poetry, you can be satisfied that you've earned it. And if it turns out that you've lost the crapshoot for this mythical fame and fortune, you can still be satisfied that you've stayed true to the writer you are. I hope that doesn't reek of discouragement.

I often discuss this with one of my dear friends, who is by any reasonable standard a very famous and fairly rich poet. He is getting up there in years, and on his birthday, I always ask him whether he feels successful. He invariably answers that he does not; there's always a fresh brass ring for him to work toward reaching. And I think that's so true, that even the Pulitzer in some ways cannot be enough. So I try to find enjoyment and contentment with whatever small successes publication has brought me, and not fret too much over winning big. You can see how this issue of competition is not unique to slam.

S: No, it’s not. Thank you for your honesty. These are issues that poets face. I’m about to release my first book and it is a challenge. You want to be successful, but true to yourself.

I’ve been interviewing emerging GLBT poets all year, and getting their perspectives on the queer poetry world. From your perspective, what do you think the role of young gay poets should be? Are there issues we should be tackling? Anything particular to the lesbian community?

M: This set of questions puts a crinkle in the bridge of my nose. I wonder whether I am still "emerging" or still "young" or even whether I am a "queer poet." I've written four books, I'm thirty years old, and I'm not sure any of my books are particularly queer. They sometimes make mention of my wife, or discuss icons of queer culture like Andy Warhol, but I mean, is that enough? Do I have all my badges?

I also don't think of myself as knowing much of anything about "the queer poetry world." Since I am Co-Director of The Atlanta Queer Literary Festival, that might seem like a silly thing to say. At the risk of offending a certain type of writer, I will say: yes, there is an issue we should be tackling--poetry. Look, I am as out of the closet as a queer can be, but the identity of my person does not precisely mirror or translate to the identity of my books. I am queer and a poet, but I don't think my books are all that queer, and I don't think I am obligated to make them so. I think it's utterly necessary for any queer person to be as visible as s/he can without risking safety or sanity. But I don't write books that are just for queers, and queerness is usually not the primary way I like to assert myself within my books. Probably queers find a layer of meaning or enjoyment in a lot of my work that other people do not, and for that I am glad. But it is just gravy.

Put down the noose, dear reader! As a queer, I think there are a lot of issues we should be tackling--all and any queer issues. As a poet, the only issue I am tackling is poetry. If they occasionally overlap, fine/good. When they do not overlap, I don't apologize for it. I feel comfortable with and proud of my strong record of queer activism, and do not see valid reasons why that record must necessarily bleed into my sphere of concerns as a poet.

S: In some ways, these questions also depend on how you define “queer.” For me, I don’t see any separation. I am gay and therefore that is part of my work and a place I write from. I’m also from the Midwest, which plays a part in my work. I’m also a male, which plays a part in my work. What I like is the broadness that the term “queer” can have.

Who are the poets who most influence and inspire you?

M: I don't read as much new poetry as I probably should, and then there are poets who inspire me as people even though I don't relate much to their work, or poets whose works inspire me even though I don't like them as people. OK, I'll stop qualifying and just answer the question. My go-to answer is generally Laura Mullen and John Yau. But the field in this ballpark is broad: Christian Bök, Taylor Mali, Eileen Myles, Amy King, Bruce Covey, Randy Prunty--that's a glance at one or two shelves on my bookcase. Then I'm also a voracious consumer of nonfiction and pop cultural stuff: Roland Barthes, Camille Paglia, Andrei Codrescu, Hunter Thompson, Wayne Koestenbaum, and many more. To tie in to your previous question, perhaps I should also note that I tend to read more things that probably qualify as "queer nonfiction" than "queer poetry."

S: If someone came up to you who hasn’t read much poetry, what is the one book you would tell them they have to read?

M: I try to think of what they might like; I'd never give a blanket recommendation of the same book to everybody. People get different things out of different books. Some people need a book that validates what they're up to, and some people need a book that smashes what they're up to into pieces. With my high school students, I often recommend Nicole Blackman's Blood Sugar, or something from Daphne Gottlieb or Rachel McKibbens. If I'm talking to somebody whose tastes are fairly classical or conventional, I often recommend Bök's Eunoia. If I'm talking to one of my poetry friends, I try to recommend other poetry friends and broaden the network of all of us. Lately I have been sending a lot of people to Jillian Weise's first book, The Amputee's Guide to Sex, as it continues to haunt me.

S: I love Weise’s book. I’ve recommended it to many people myself. You currently teach high school English, which I admire greatly. I can only handle teaching college. How do you approach poetry with your high school students?

M: Thanks, I do love my job. I approach poetry with my high school students through their ears. It's not difficult. First a little pop or hip hop they already know well, then ease over to Bob Dylan, on to Dylan Thomas, backward to Keats or whatever. High school students have an innate understanding of poetry because of their cultural dependence on the wonderful therapy of music. They go to my class website, and this week it's an Edna St. Vincent Millay mp3 they've got to download instead of Lady Gaga, but they will still be curious and comfortable working with it. And a lot of them are covertly writing it. Kids are always sneaking into my room at lunch to leave poems on my desk, asking for a little extra guidance. Many academics, and perhaps the public at large, think of poetry as something like calculus, something that's necessarily difficult or that younger people cannot appreciate. In my view, that's quite mistaken. Kids love poetry, though they don't always know that's what it is when they see it. I have a more Whitmanesque attitude about its accessibility, I guess.

S: What has your experience been like teaching high school and being an out lesbian poet?

M: It's a burden I find well worth carrying. On the positive side, students rely upon me for reasons not to kill themselves, reasons it gets better. Teachers likewise rely upon me for insight into the unique challenges queer students face, and I often end up as the spokesperson for more general anti-bullying campaigns. On the negative side, there are parents out there who probably fantasize about burning crosses on my lawn. I get anonymous hate mail through my author website a few times a year. They scrutinize every aspect of my teaching in hopes of catching me doing something that could get me in trouble. For this reason, I strive to be twice as ethical and professional as other teachers.

Being out as a poet is actually perhaps the more difficult position, because censorship is still fairly socially acceptable even where bigotry is not. My work is not found in my school's library--much of it contains content or language that various sources, including me, would deem inappropriate for fifteen year olds to access in a school setting. I keep my writerly life separate from my teacherly life, and do not discuss my work as a poet with my students. I do not encourage them to check it out on their own time either, though of course, a quick attention to Google yields a cornucopia of stuff. Several times, it's happened that a kid has been caught looking at my work at home on his/her own time, and when the angry parent confronts the kid, the kid says I gave my author website to the class or something. I would never do that, and I understand why the kids would want to deflect blame from themselves, but it does land me in the Principal's office to help handle these irrational parents. Fortunately, I work at a school with a very supportive administrative team, and they trust that I am keeping the two spheres as separate as can be reasonably expected.

Both of these identity issues are obviously in stark contrast to the climate of the university. Unless you work at Brigham Young or something, being a queer liberal who publishes cutting-edge work is a privileged and enviable position. But as a high school English teacher, it leaves me open to the possibility of persecution. Quite literally though, I am saving lives. These students need me, and I will continue to serve and protect them to the best of my ability, in a manner that denies or compromises my own identity as little as possible. I'm not a martyr by any means, but I am definitely a soldier.

S: Good for you. I can only imagine the challenges, but also the rewards. You just turned 30 this month. What did your 20s teach you and what are you most looking forward to in your 30s?

M: Well, my image of myself is that I have been 45 for a long time now, so turning 30 was not as much of a challenge as I was led to believe it would be. I'm not waiting for anything--I've already got a great job, a lovely wife, a nice house, etc. My twenties were well spent, half working my ass off and half enjoying myself so much I can hardly remember the details. I suppose people in their thirties do both of those things still, but with more impunity. So I am most looking forward to making the decisions I've always made, with a little less judgment from others.

S: Now for some fun: What poet(s) dead or alive would you most like to have sex with? And what kind of sex would it be?

M: Well, let's dismiss the "alive" part immediately. How awkward! I'm a professional and I love my wife, and that's that. So my best answer is: Emily Dickinson. Then, rumors surrounding her sister-in-law aside, we can put the whole is-she-or-isn't-she controversy to rest. Plain though she was, that whole uptight New England vibe is sometimes sort of a turn on.

S: What is one poem you think is so great that you totally wish you had written it?

M: I try not to think like this anymore. Envy is such a useless emotion; I try to convert it into ambition, into more positive and productive things. But I do wish I could play the guitar--there is a parallel universe where I am not a poet, but a rock and roll star. So I will say: Tom Petty's "Anything that's Rock and Roll is Fine." That's my favorite song in the world.

S: What celebrity should play you in your bio-pic?

M: I might say Chloe Sevigny, because we have the same slouchy bodies, and she always looks sort of snobby and unhappy. My face likewise has this look. I can be having the greatest time at a dinner party, and people will still leave thinking I didn't enjoy their company. I'm just not one of those people who walk around with a grin on all the time; I'm one of those people who think that looks stupid. But on the upside, when you get a smile or a laugh from me, it's completely and verifiably genuine. Maybe a man should play me. One of the Culkin brothers? Or Tilda Swinton. It would take a person who could represent with a lot of attitude. The ability to mouth off is essentially my defining characteristic. Maybe a slightly fearsome person, like Isabella Rosellini?

Those are my instincts, but really, I was clueless on this question. So, I asked my wife. She said: Parker Posey, Sally Field, and Kristen Stewart. Obviously, my wife has a more generous interpretation of my character than I do, for which I am grateful to her. But she also really liked the Culkin brothers idea. Fuck, am I an anti-hero?!

S: I love how seriously you took the question. I’m a big fan of Chloe Sevigny, so I’ll vote for her. What’s your favorite curse word or phrase?

M: Fuck. One of the nicest compliments I ever got was when someone once said to me that he felt I made better use of the word "fuck" than anyone he'd ever known. What a noble accomplishment! But yeah, "fuck" is the greatest. Its part of speech is so versatile, and its monosyllabic exclamation can be inserted seamlessly almost anywhere in a conversation. It's so emotive and primal, a perfect little nugget of an expletive, and a classic.

S: That is a great compliment! Lastly, what are you currently working on?

M: I'm very pleased to say that I'm contracted to edit the next anthology from Sibling Rivalry Press, slated for publication in 2013--This Assignment is so Gay: LGBTIQ Poets on the Art of Teaching. This is obviously a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and equally obviously, a book that has been missing from the marketplace for far too long already. "It gets better" is an excellent idea, but it can only carry us to a certain point. This anthology will collect the experiences of queer teachers, in an attempt to make visible the diverse, conflicting and conflicted facets of their perspective. I hope it will shed some light for other teachers, give fresh energy to queer students, and of course be enjoyable poetry. Anyone reading this who might be interested to submit work for the anthology should look for the call for submissions at the end of this year. Also by that time, I'll have the website up and running: www.thisassignmentissogay.com. Can you believe no one else already owned that web address?!

The anthology will be my second project with Sibling Rivalry Press. Though I've had good experiences with several editors, I can say without question that it simply doesn't get better than Bryan Borland. My new book, Sonics in Warholia, comes alive on December 6th. Thanks to Bryan, this project has already turned out so much better than I could've imagined. Pre-orders begin on Halloween, and the first fifty pre-orders sold through the Sibling Rivalry website will also receive a free download of the audiobook companion.

Then, as usual, I'm also working on another manuscript. It's a series of epigrammatic prose poems, or micro essays, that addresses concepts of death and autoimmune disease through metaphors of motorcycling and rock and roll music. Somebody called them "funnyserious, tinybig" pieces, which I think is just lovely. To me, it also feels a bit like Joe Brainard's I Remember.

S: Those sound like great projects. I look forward to reading them.

photo by rob friedman

-Stephen (Q&A)

Why People Hate Poetry

2011-10-27T13:31:00.005-04:00

Poets don't get a lot of mainstream attention. If you don't read poetry publications or websites, you probably don't know much about what is happening in the current poetry world. Pretty much the only way to get mainstream attention is to be named Poet Laureate of the United States or to win a big award. These won't make you a rock star, but you will get covered by the media for a bit and will be placed out front in chain bookstores. This is what led me to reading Kay Ryan's book The Best of It: New and Selected Poems.

I do read poetry publications and websites, but before Ryan was named Poet Laureate in 2008, I had never heard of her. She served as Poet Laureate until 2010 and also won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry. Anyone who gets this much recognition, I like to at least read a bit of his/her work, so I put Ryan's book on my reading list for 2011.

I've spent the last three days reading her book cover to cover. It is 265 pages of poems that were selected from her previous books as well as a handful of new poems. I started with an open mind, but as I read I became more and more frustrated and confused by the praise Ryan has received.

I don't typically write negative reviews on my blog, but I think Ryan can handle a little criticism from my little blog. To be blunt, her work is boring. Honestly, these are some of the most boring poems I've ever read and I've read a lot of poems. Her work mostly focuses on nature and has some philosophical observation that I guess should delight or surprise the reader. These observations or points are sometimes interesting, but are so quick and non-complicated that they don't stay with you very long. Reading these poems is sort of like sitting with a wise old woman who makes short quips that sometimes make you go "uhm." I keep saying short, because most of the poems are between 14 and 20 lines long and most of the lines are only 2 to 4 words long (and don't even get me started on the titles). These are pretty small poems.

What surprised me the most was how much her work hasn't changed in her career. The fun part of reading a selected or collected book is often seeing the changes and experiments of the poet. You can see their work grow and move in various directions. Ryan's work has stayed exactly the same. You could take one of her oldest poems and one of her latest and you would see no difference. This book contained poems from 1994 up to 2010, but the only reason I knew this is because the book told me with its section breaks.

When I got done with the book, I couldn't help but think that this is exactly why people hate poetry. If I gave someone, who doesn't read much poetry, this book, it would confirm all the things most people already think about poetry. The average person doesn't read poetry because they assume it's all boring, about nature or love, and that it has nothing to do with themselves or real life. If they read Ryan's book, they would be right. Her poems give you little polished gems or nuggets of wisdom or advice or perspective, but they don't get at your core.

As an instructor who has taught poetry, my first goal is always to breakdown the stereotypes and misconceptions students have about poetry. I get them to see that poetry is so much broader and more interesting than they ever expected. As instructors we have to fight this so much, because the majority of poetry people are exposed to is not really going to blow the mind of an 18-year-old college kid. It important to get people engaged and then you can expose them to all kinds of poetry (Ryan's included).

It is frustrating that often the most interesting and engaging poets are not the ones that get mainstream press. I'm sure lots of non-poetry readers picked up Ryan's book because they heard something about it and I bet a large portion of them were disappointed or they felt the need to pretend to be impressed because it is "Poetry" with a capital "P" and she is critically acclaimed.

I'm not saying Ryan is a terrible poet. I'm sure many genuinely like her work and connect with it. I don't, however, see her as a worthy contender for a big prize or Poet Laureate. To me, Poet Laureate should go to someone who is going to excite the country about poetry. A poet who is writing about the current world and exploring what it means to be a poet in the 21st century, but I don't make the rules.

There were a few poems I did mark to come back to later, but in a book with well over 200 poems, I should like more than 15 of them, especially if the book is called "the best of it."

-Stephen (Excite)

Poetry News and Updates

2011-10-18T18:58:00.003-04:00

The last few weeks have been good in my poetry world and I wanted to share some of that news. First of all, my book is coming along and looking fantastic thanks to the hard work of Sibling Rivalry Press. I'm getting close to a finalized cover and I've been sending my manuscript out to a few select poets who are willing to write blurbs for me. It's exciting to see it all coming together. I've spent a long time imagining this moment and thinking about a first book, so it's almost surreal that it is happening. It will be released on March 15, 2012 and it is titled He Do the Gay Man in Different Voices.

With my book coming out, I will be doing a lot of promoting on here and elsewhere for the book, which means I'll be doing as many readings as possible. I already have one reading scheduled for April with a few of the other Sibling Rivalry Press authors. It will be in Atlanta on April 28th. I'll post more about this as it approaches.

I recently had new work accepted in two magazines. My poems "Real Men Love Jesus" and "Warning: In Case of Rapture This Vehicle Will Be Unmanned" will appear in the first issue of the new magazine Chelsea Station, which is published out of New York City. I'm thrilled to be in the first issue, which should be available in November. My poems "Seeing a Dead Lizard After Reading Mark Doty's 'Turtle, Swan'" and "The Man on the Radio Says Boys Don't Want to be Astronauts Anymore" will appear in the next issue of Grist.

And just to give you some balance, I've also been rejected by four or five places in the last three weeks.

I will be making some changes to my blog over the course of the next month or so. This will include some new pages that will feature reading dates and other promotional materials.

-Stephen (Balance)

Podcast 39: Not Telling My Parents I'm in Therapy While Driving Over the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, Which Collapsed 31 Years Ago

2011-10-10T15:40:00.004-04:00

Today I thought I would share a new poetry podcast. I haven't posted many in the last few months. This is partially due to the fact that I've been writing some longer pieces that are harder to do podcasts of and also partially due to the fact that I haven't been writing quite as much recently. I've been focusing some of my writing time on issues involving my book that is coming out in March.

Today's poem is my newest work and a poem that will hopefully interest my readers. It has the honor of having the longest title I've ever written. The poem is titled "Not Telling My Parents I'm in Therapy While Driving Over the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, Which Collapsed 31 Years Ago."

The poem continues my interest in documentary poetics. The poem tells the story of a real bridge and a real disaster spliced with my own life and history.

Listen here.

-Stephen (Sunny)

Interview Series: D. Gilson

2011-09-28T11:52:00.007-04:00

It is officially fall, which is my favorite time of the year (even though I live in Florida where we don’t really have a true fall). Since I’ve spent most of my life living in the north, I still picture beautiful trees changing all different colors and can still feel that first morning of cool, crisp air. Fall also makes me think of reading and spending a slightly cool, but beautiful day with a book of poems in my hands or sitting down at my computer with a cup of pumpkin spiced coffee and reading another interview with an emerging GLBT poet.

This month my interview is with the young and talented D. Gilson. He was truly a pleasure to talk with and brought great perspectives and ideas about poetry to my blog. Enjoy our conversation. I did.

S: What got you into poetry? Can you pinpoint the moment when you realized you were a poet?

D: Thanks for having me, Stephen! It’s an honor.

Reading, absolutely, got me into poetry. My mom was head nurse at a nursing home and so every day for a few years, the years when I was learning to read, I would spend a couple of hours after school among the residents there. Mr. Williams was this exotic figure, a drama teacher from New York back in Missouri, dying, with whom I would watch Designing Women every afternoon. Then I’d read to him from this crazy collection of books…he was going blind. I would stumble through words; he’d ask me to spell them out and then teach me to pronounce them. Through some miracle of memory, I know we read O’Hara’s Lunch Poems. My parents, although fiercely religious, were also veracious readers. I didn’t excel at sports or in the Boy Scouts, so I really connected to them through reading—and god, I’m pretty much a cliché here.

So when I went to college, I was deadest on going to law school and then working for the State Department; but I wasn’t cutting it in that field whatsoever. I took a poetry class by chance and the professor encouraged me. In his memoir Becoming a Man, Paul Monette talks about his constantly going after the “A,” trying to please those in power over him. I totally relate to that and so hunkered down as an English major. What scared me, the closeted me at this point, was that the poems weren’t honest; they showed some technical ability, but were veiled things. Then a professor, Marcus Cafagna, to whom I’ll be forever grateful, asked us to write a persona poem. I wrote one from the perspective of my uncle, who had died of AIDS, and it was in that moment something clicked—in my mind, even if not aloud, I owned the titles of poet and queer in the same breath. Which also seems a bit of a cliché, though I suspect it’s one I share with many others.

S: I don’t know about cliché. That might be the best answer I’ve gotten to that question. Reading O’Hara with an old drama teacher in a nursing home in Missouri is a pretty great poetry moment.

I’m glad you mentioned the personal because that is something I wanted to ask you about. From the poems I’ve read of yours, you seem to write a lot about your personal experience including growing up as a gay boy and your relationship with your parents. How do you view the personal in poetry or the use of the “I”? Do you want readers to think of the “I” as you? Does it matter? Poets seem to vary greatly on this issue.

D: It doesn’t matter if someone sees the “I” as me or not. Most readers will, especially now, when we’re reading everything as biography. But in the case of my poems, the “I” is probably me about 75% of the time.

It seems, and this is a broad generalization, that lyric poetry uses the “I” far less often than narrative. Some poets—like Judith Vollmer or Nick Flynn, both of whom I love—accomplish things I cannot even fathom through an I-free or I-lite lyricism. But I have political reasons for using the “I.” For too long, queer writers had to mask themselves in lyricism…the strong, narrative “I” belonged to the white, heteronormative patriarchy. On many levels, on most levels, fuck that. There’s strength in not using the “I,” but for now, I’m exploring what can be accomplished with it.

S: I feel very similar about the issue. I’m drawn to the power of claiming the “I” and seeing where it can take me as a poet. Like you mentioned before, I also began writing poetry as a closeted young college boy and everything felt very false. There is power in writing strong narrative pieces that many readers will see as biography. A freedom even.

As you might know, one of my great areas of interest is the use of pop culture in poetry. You have a poem called “Driving Back to Missouri from New Orleans,” which focuses on the speaker wanting to see where Britney Spears grew up. Could you say a little bit about how this poem came into being and why you chose Britney Spears? What does she do for the poem?

D: Oh, Britney! I’m really interested in pop culture critically, too, so there’s that (we’ll have to talk!). I have a chapbook manuscript submitted right now, all poems—using? considering? fantasizing?—Britney, who is this fascinating image of celebrity on the constant rise and fall. I grew up in a stringent Pentecostal environment, so a lot of the movies or music I encountered for a long time were really restricted. But then in seventh grade, Britney came out with “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and became such a part of America that no one could shield me from her. And thank god! I’m romanticizing it, but for a gay boy in Nixa, Missouri, she was pure excess and camp. All the things the church taught us were wrong. She’s a metaphor for the era we find ourselves in, which clearly is so full of both beauty and sorrow.

So last fall I had Peter Oresick for workshop, who wrote this wonderful collection of poems about Andy Warhol, Warhol-o-roma. I wrote a sestina, “Britney Spears and I Pray the Apostles’ Creed,” and Peter pushed me to explore her as an intimate subject. It was a challenge, albeit a fun one, and I’m proud of the poems that came/are coming. It also allowed me to move out of the “I” a bit, to work on lyricism. And to watch a shit-ton of YouTube videos.

S: That’s a great answer and touches on many of the reasons I’m drawn to using pop culture in my work. It truly is a reflection of our society at different moments in time. For those around our age, Britney does represent celebrity in all its glory and destruction. It makes me think about O’Hara writing about Lana Turner.

I’ve been interviewing emerging GLBT poets all year, and I think you are the youngest one I’ve interviewed so far. Each generation is faced with different challenges and issues. From your perspective, what do you think the role of young gay poets should be? Are their issues we should be tackling?

D: Baby otter! I love that. There are things we should be tackling—we need to write the world where we can get married, have kids, be on equal footing in the workplace, etc, etc. BUT, we must not lose our queerness—the point is not to become straight after all. So maybe one mission is for us to flesh that out, being gay, uniquely and proudly so, but also claiming equality. In Newsweek Dan Savage said, “when it comes to gay rights, there’s two wars going on. The first war is political. But the culture war is over. Between Glee and Ellen and how integrated and accepted LGBT adults are, that’s done.” I disagree adamantly, and know poetry has a role to play in the ongoing culture war we face.

The generation I’m part of has a huge debt to our predecessors, a generation that fought bravely to live and love in the face of AIDS. There’s a huge divide in these generations, because so many men my age don’t have a personal experience there. My parents took care of my uncle as he was dying in the early nineties, so one thing I hope to accomplish is to speak with, as opposed to for, both generations. We can’t forget the genocide that faced us, because it continues to wage havoc, even if the media attention has waned. Young queer poets need to fight the apathy that plagues our generation in general. We have to fight apathy in these culture and political wars, yes, but also apathy toward our Art.

S: I’ve disagreed with Dan Savage on this blog before. Glad I’m not alone. I also think the culture war is still raging. Maybe Dan is satisfied by Glee, but I am not. We have a ways to go.

What do you consider to be your greatest poetry accomplishment or moment so far?

D: Sticking with it. That sounds hokey, but really, there’s plenty of distraction, even valid distraction, that can keep a boy from learning his craft. Because of that, I think the best is yet to come.

S: That’s a very honest answer and truly is one of the hardest things to accomplish. Who are the poets who most influence and inspire you?

D: So many! If there is one critique I have of MFA programs, it’s that they’re chockfull of students who resist reading, thinking it taints their own art. Bullshit. But I guess that’s a critique of students, not programs. And I should say that it’s not an accurate statement about my peers at Chatham, an environment that really encourages and teaches us how to value reading. More something I perceive from friends in other programs, the conversation online, discussions at conferences like AWP, and more general statistics on literary reading.

Again, so many, but here’s five heavy influences right now: David Trinidad, Randall Mann, Jennifer L. Knox, Joy Katz, and William Carlos Williams. Oh, and the nonfiction of Wayne Koestenbaum, who is definitely a model poet-essayist-critic.

S: It’s interesting that you say that about the students in certain MFA programs. I was recently discussing that issue. I didn’t find that to be true in my program, but as an instructor, I’ve seen so many students who don’t want to read, but want to be writers and this puzzles me greatly.

Speaking of reading, if someone came up to you who hasn’t read much poetry, what is the one book you would tell them they have to read?

D: Something recent-ish, just to show them poetry is alive. Probably Tony Hoagland’s Unincorporated Persons in the Late Honda Dynasty, which moves in and out of social critique well.

S: Hoagland is one of my favorite poets. He has a Britney Spears poem himself. I think it’s in that collection.

You are currently a teaching fellow at Chatham University. What is your approach to teaching? Do you teach poetry?

D: I love that Hoagland poem! In the Britney chapbook, there’s a poem with one of his lines, which I’ll send your way.

My teaching fellowship has me assisting Dr. Heather McNaugher, who is both a wonderful poet and a valuable, effective teacher (we need more like her in the world). This is a multi-genre, undergraduate course.

Personally, I don’t see how one can be a successful writer without being a successful reader. So, a lot of my approach centers on reading, whether teaching creative writing or composition. Finding models, both good and bad, for students to read and discuss. As a queer teacher, I think I’m also particularly consumed by how students acquire voice, how they are given the permission to write, to speak, to be. I found freedom on the page way before I did in my own life, so this is bringing my experience into the classroom, though hopefully in a positive way.

S: You are kind of creeping me out with how much you sound like me in some of these answers. I approach teaching writing in a very similar way. Read. Read. Read.

You also write creative non-fiction, correct? What draws you to writing non-fiction and poetry? Do you find them quite different or are there similarities?

D: We’re brethren! Correct. What draws me to nonfiction is the challenge; it’s harder for me. But also, it can accomplish different things than poetry—a challenge I faced in poetry was trying to get too much into a poem. Nonfiction opened a door. The biggest draw, however, is that I’m really interested in critical work, in pushing the envelope between literary/cultural criticism and creative nonfiction. That’s not impossible in poetry, far from it, but more accessibly fleshed out in the realm of prose.

There are beautiful possibilities in the similarities and marriage of nonfiction and poetry. Writers doing important work in the lyric essay—Sheryl St. Germain, whom I’m lucky to have as a mentor, and John D’agata, whom I get to hear read tonight—are in the business of genre mixing, or the breaking down of walls. We’ll all benefit from that, both as readers and writers. The Art benefits because the poetic lyric brings a moment of suspension that nonfiction can all-too-often lack.

S: I’m going to have to check those writers out.

Now for some fun: What poet(s) dead or live would you most like to have sex with? And what kind of sex would it be?

D: George Oppen. With Elizabeth Bishop narrating.

S: I want to see that or at least listen. What is one poem you think is so great that you totally wish you had written it?

D: “For Grace, After a Party” by Frank O’Hara is my favorite poem, though “Heat Lightning in a Time of Drought” by Andrew Hudgins is probably the poem I wish I’d written most.

S: What celebrity should play you in your bio-pic?

D: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, in glasses, with Ira Glass as omniscient narrator. And Peter Sarsgaard should play my boyfriend, both in the movie and in real life.

S: That would be amazing. What’s your favorite curse word or phrase?

D: Shit, but in a long, Southern drawl.

S: Lastly, what are you currently working on?

D: It’s a busy season, but a really fun one. My MFA thesis is coming together, but I’m also writing a lot of nonfiction. The mode of a lot of these projects is heavily influenced by the idea of artistic retrospectives—Pittsburgh has a strong museum culture, as does DC, where I’ve been spending a lot of time. I’m applying to PhD programs in literary and cultural studies, so those materials are also pretty consuming. But there’s still time to read, to see films and listen to Ke$ha. What more could a boy ask for?

S: Glad to know you still have time for Ke$ha. Thanks for talking with me.

-Stephen (Q&A)

8 Years

2011-09-17T10:40:00.000-04:00

Today is my 8 year anniversary with my partner, which is probably hard for you to believe. It's a little hard for me to believe. We met young (the picture to the right is one of our very first pictures), fell in love, and have kept things going for the last 8 years.

Dustin, my partner, truly knows me better than anyone in the whole world. He's changed my life and been there for me through a lot of ups and downs. Our relationship, like any lasting relationship, has changed and evolved over the years. We aren't the same boys we were when we met in the fall of my junior year of college. We aren't the same boys who packed everything up and moved 800 miles away from anyone we knew so I could pursue my graduate degree in creative writing at Florida State. And we aren't even the boys who moved to Orlando three years ago. We have grown into men together and have faced every challenge as a couple.

Our relationship is ours. We make our own rules. We treat each other as equals. We challenge each other. We understand each other. It works because we make it work and we both share a similar outlook on life. We have big plans in the next year that will change our lives even more and continue to make us evolve.

A week or two ago, I was sitting down to write my acknowledgements page and dedication page for my first book of poems, which comes out in March of 2012 from Sibling Rivalry Press. I've dedicated this book to Dustin. He is a huge part of my inspiration and is always willing to let me share our lives with anyone willing to read my poems. He's very brave and I'm not always easy to love (what poet is?).

I thought today I would post a poem on my blog. I don't do this often (I'm not really into self-publishing), but I'm making an exception today. This poem is one of my favorites that I have written about my relationship. I wrote it last summer while Dustin was in Indiana visiting his parents and taking an EMT class for three weeks. It is a good summary of who we are as a couple. It also serves as a good teaser for my upcoming book He Do the Gay Man in Different Voices, which you should all buy in March. I hope you will enjoy reading it.

Missing You While Watching Misery

I’m the writer, but it’s you I imagine tied to the bed,

legs unable to move, trapped by a mad woman

like all the mad women of literature that have come

before her. I can see you planning your escape,

wheeling around the house, frantically storing knives

in your arm sling, and it would be just like you

to knock over that penguin and not think to place

it facing the correct direction. Of course, it’s hard

to picture you in that hobbling scene that makes

everyone so uncomfortable, but I can understand

not wanting to lose a man, and sometimes love hurts.

In reality, you are visiting your parents in Indiana,

and I’m here in Florida in the heat of summer

missing you and watching Annie Wilkes force Paul

to write another novel, to bring his heroine back

to life like I bring you to life here on this page,

even though you are 800 miles away, and I have no

idea what you are actually doing, or who you are with?

Two weeks is a long time for men who have spent

almost every single day together for nearly seven years—

we have a life, a routine, an intimacy in this apartment

where Paul types away on our big screen TV.

It’s enough to make the sane insane, because everybody

needs somebody. I almost sympathize with Annie

and her pig (a pet I’ve always wanted) or maybe

it’s just my love of Kathy Bates coming through.

Love is love, even if it’s forced, or confused,

or one-sided. On the telephone we proclaim how much

we miss the other, rattle off all the dirty things

we want to do to the other’s body, and how lonely

beds can be, which makes us feel silly, codependent,

like lost boys who will never grow up or find

their way back home. Thankfully, we have planes,

tickets, schedules. Annie is bloody now. Paul

just whacked her with his typewriter (the one missing

the letter N), but you know she’s not dead yet,

because madness doesn’t end that quickly. She’s got

a few more minutes, a few more blows before life

gives up on her. Did she ever really stand a chance?

Do we? When you return, I’ll take you to our bed,

use the straps we bought at the sex store, tie your legs

in the air, and make you mine. This we will call sexy.

This we will call love.

-Stephen (Love)

A Full Life: Reading Tim Dlugos

2011-09-14T15:34:00.004-04:00

Reading a "collected poems" book can be a daunting task. One thing I love about reading a single volume of poetry is the size. Most poetry books are between 60 and 100 pages and can easily be read in one sitting. In fact, they are often best read in one sitting. A "collected poems" book is typically much, much longer and serves a rather different purpose.

I've spent the last month reading A Fast Life: The Collected Poems of Tim Dlugos edited by David Trinidad. The book is 590 pages and spans from 1970 to 1990. Reading a book like this, cover to cover, is a very different experience from reading a single volume of poetry by a poet. You are reading a lifetime of work that spans in subject matter, style, and even quality. Not every poem in a "collected poems" book is the poet's very best work, which is what is partly fun and intriguing about it. These books, this one included, showcase the poet in many different ways. The book has the "great poems," but also the experiments or the funny almost offhanded poems that perhaps weren't really meant for publication. These poems, together, paint a full image of the poet.

I first became aware of Tim Dlugos when I read the anthology Persistent Voices: Poetry by Writers Lost to AIDS edited by Philip Clark and David Groff. I've written a lot about this book, because it showcased so many great writers who I had never read. Dlugos was one of them. After reading Persistent Voices, I was pleased to find out that Trinidad was putting together a "collected" volume, which was released earlier this year.

Dlugos is a poet heavily influenced by the New York School. His poems are personal and often closely tied to his everyday life and friends. But Dlugos stands on his own as well. He's not simply a carbon-copy of Frank O'Hara, but rather a complicated and intriguing poet in his own right. He's funny and reflective. This book takes us from his 20s to his death in 1990 at age 40 (just like O'Hara). Dlugos takes us through the surge of gay freedom and sexuality in the 70s and then through the AIDS crisis of the 80s. The crisis that took his life.

Poetry from the AIDS crisis has been an interest of mine for quite some time. There are hundreds of poems on the topic and many very moving and thought-provoking pieces. If I had to name just one that everyone should read, I would have to go with Dlugos's piece "G-9." It's a long poem (18 pages) and written about the AIDS ward (G-9) in Roosevelt Hospital in New York where Dlugos spent a portion of his last two years. The poem captures the crisis in poetry in a way I haven't felt or seen before. It's authentic. It's smart. It makes you think.

While "G-9" is a stand out poem, Dlugos is not just an AIDS writer. The majority of the poems in this book are not on that subject, but are powerful, sharp, witty, and worth reading. Dlugos also stands out in the gay poetry scene for his religious ties. He was a part of various Christian organizations and studied religion throughout his life. Many of his poems reflect this.

Trinidad has done a nice job of editing the collection. He has a brief, but useful introduction and a quick timeline of the major events of Dlugos's life. He also includes various notes on the poems in the index. Trinidad strikes the right balance and gives us just enough information. The poems are divided into four sections labeled with years and locations.

Reading an entire "collected poems" book makes you feel like you've gained a new friend. You learn so much about the poet and his/her life. Over 500 pages of poems is hard to take in, which is why I read with a pencil beside me. I put a star in the table of contents next to any poem that really strikes me that I might want to return to in the future. Dlugos's table of contents is full of stars.

-Stephen (Collected)

Review: Slow to Burn by Collin Kelley

2011-09-07T13:46:00.005-04:00

We meet writers in many different places. Sometimes in school settings. Sometimes at readings. Sometimes in a bar. Sometimes in a bed. And countless other places. But I first "met" Collin Kelley on Twitter (how 21st century of me). In the case of Kelley, I met him not through his creative work, but through his tweets and blog posts. I grew to respect and enjoy his perspectives on poetry, fiction, film, and general culture, but I didn't know what to expect from his poems. What if I hate them? Luckily, that didn't happen.

A few days ago, I sat down with the reprint edition of Kelley's chapbook Slow to Burn published by Seven Kitchens Press, and I quickly fell in love. In many ways, chapbooks can showcase a poet better than a full length book. Chapbooks, at their best, are tight and focused collections that don't rely on filler poems. Slow to Burn is exactly that.

As I read, I realized that I might just be Kelley's target audience. His poems are packed full of pop culture references that add to and illuminate the poems in the best ways possible. In his opening poem, "Freedom Train," there are references to the Bionic Woman, Farrah Fawcett, Gone With the Wind, and The Wizard of Oz. These references never feel forced, but rather build the world of the speaker. These are the things we remember and the things that shape us.

My favorite poem in the collection is titled "Wonder Woman." I have a soft spot for any poem that deals with superheroes. This poem is one of the shortest in the collection, but one of the most powerful. It opens with these lines:

"The day I told my parents I wanted to trade in

G.I. Joe for Wonder Woman must have set off alarms."

Immediately, we are intrigued. The poem continues to explore the complexity of gender roles, budding homosexuality, and the relationship between a gay son and his father. I've read countless poems on this topic, but this one succeeds where others don't, because it feels rounded and not so black and white. The father in this poem is not a villain. We can feel his embarrassment as much as we can understand the excitement of the speaker, at 7-years-old, running around his yard lassoing things. Kelley brings a real and balanced perspective in this poem that is often missing from poetry that deals with these issues.

Many of the other poems in the collection are about loss and suicide. These poems also walk a careful line. They feel honest and never rely on cliches. While many of these poems are dark, Kelley throws in some good humor from time to time. This is most apparent in his poem "The Virgin Mary Appears in a Highway Underpass." This poem is funny, thought provoking, and well-crafted.

Chapbooks are a great way to learn about a poet and to support small presses. Chapbooks almost feel as if they are from another time. They are often small and handmade. You can see the care and dedication that went into the making of Slow to Burn. I highly recommend getting yourself a copy.

-Stephen (Burning)

The Quest for Cover Art

2011-08-31T15:57:00.007-04:00

Most of us grew up hearing the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover." Like most advice, we hear it, nod along, might even repeat it to others, but, for the most part, we ignore it. When most people use this phrase, they aren't actually talking about books (because who actually reads these days besides me and a few people I know?). They are typically warning you not to judge others and to look into situations before jumping to conclusions. And as much as we might want to buy into this notion, we all end up judging.

I won't lie. I'm a judger. I judge people for bad habits. For being stupid. For wearing terrible clothing. For eating the wrong things. For backing into parking spaces. For having too many children. For being Republican. For liking Twilight. For hating Lady Gaga. For thinking Glee is actually a good show. Yes, I judge a good portion of my waking hours and sometimes even in my sleep. Most of us do, even if we don't admit it.

I'm so aware of my own judging that I often over-think most of my decisions, pondering the judgments they will cause in others. I do have a point. I promise.

As I mentioned a few months ago, my first book is getting published by Sibling Rivalry Press early next year. The book is called He Do the Gay Man in Different Voices. I'm thrilled and can't wait to actually be able to hold my own book in my hands, but there is stress that comes with all good things.

I'm lucky that a press like Sibling Rivalry selected my book, because they want me closely involved in many of the decisions. This includes cover art, which brings me to a literal reading of "don't judge a book by its cover." The problem is that of course people are going to judge my book by its cover, and why shouldn't they? A cover has a big job. It needs to get a buyer's attention, but it also needs to convey something real and honest about the actual content of the book.

I love great covers and love them even more when the book matches the cover. Oh yes, I've been tricked. I've bought plenty of bad books with great covers. I like pretty books. If I'm buying an older book or a classic that has many different editions, I find the best looking cover and buy it. Covers are important.

I've been spending a lot of time flipping through images and trying to determine what would best fit my book. This cover will forever be the cover of my first book, and I don't want to hate it in a year. I'm leaning toward photography, because I think it fits better with the realness and honesty of the book. A lot of the book is about documenting real events.

I'm also cautious about the tradition of gay themed books putting some barely clothed or naked man on the cover. I don't want my book to look like gay erotica or an underwear ad, because its not. I like erotica and underwear ads, but that's not what I'm selling. If I have some sexy half-naked man on the cover, I fear readers will be disappointed or confused when the opening poem is about random horrible car accidents and losing one's faith. It's really not a very sexy poem. I'm not opposed to something provocative or even nudity (though, I was going to save the nudity for my author photo), but it has to be doing something more than titillating the gay viewer.

As most of my readers know, I don't shy away from gayness or even the label of "gay poet." At the same time that doesn't mean my only audience is other gay people. I already have gay in the title and if I just put a muscle boy on the cover, no straight person that I don't already know is going to buy it. My book is about the gay experience, but it is also about the lines between violence and sex and even love, and about the fear of death. These themes can connect and reflect a lot of different experiences.

I know I'll find the right image, but the journey is a complicated one. Until then I'll continue judging other people's covers.

-Stephen (Judger)

Interview Series: Christopher Stephen Soden

2011-08-24T10:40:00.011-04:00

It is hard to believe that summer is almost over and that today's post marks my 8th interview of 2011. I began this interview series with the goal of interviewing young and emerging GLBT poets. In some ways, I've felt limited by my own parameters, which is why this interview is with a poet some could call emerging, but a poet that is in his 50s. I felt his perspective and journey to his first book was worthy of an interview.

My August poet is Christopher Stephen Soden. His first collection, Closer, was recently released by Queer Mojo. For anyone interested, he is offering a free signed copy of his book. To enter in the drawing, comment on this interview and leave your name and email address. I will select a winner at random and you will be mailed your own copy of his book. You must comment and enter by 11:59 PM EST on Wednesday, August 31st. But first, enjoy this conversation!

S: My interview series has primarily focused on young GLBT poets that are classified as “emerging.” You are an older man, but, from my knowledge, have more recently emerged onto the poetry scene. Your first book, Closer, was just released and just last year you participated in the Lambda Literary Retreat for Emerging LGBT Voices. How did you come to poetry? Is it something you’ve always written? Was there a catalyst for your emergence?

C: In high school I dabbled somewhat in poetry, while studying theatre and acting. In my Freshman year at SMU, I was a theatre major. My second semester (having placed out of Composition 101) I enrolled in a Poetry Workshop, taught by the late Jack Myers, where I was truly introduced to the power, depth and poignancy of contemporary poetry. Writers like Sylvia Plath, John Berryman, Phillip Levine and Louise Glück left me breathless and overwhelmed. At the end of the semester Jack said he needed to speak to me in his office. With my usual self-esteem issues, I was certain he was going to banish me. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “ This is what you need to be doing with your life.” By that time I was so overcome by the possibilities of that medium, it didn’t take any more convincing. Jack became my mentor.

S: Mentors can be very valuable. Since it sounds like you’ve been writing poetry for quite some time, how do you define where you are in your poetry career?

C: Well, I’ve been publishing all along, and writing avidly since I was 18 (I turned 53 in May) so needless to say, a first collection of poetry is a big step, and I’d hoped it would happen sooner. One hesitates to speculate about these things. I mean, we’re all on a different timeline, when it comes to our evolution as artists, and there are pieces in Closer that were written very early in my vocation. I’ve entered first book contests and queried publishers for many years, so there are times when I’ve wondered if content was a problem for some of these venues, but I guess we’ll never know. The world seems far less homophobic today than it was in the 70’s and 80’s, etc… Or maybe our proponents have become more vocal and fearless. That being said, there can be all kinds of reasons why a particular writer doesn’t catch on right away, and forces at work far beyond our control. I had been disappointed so many times, when Sven Davisson expressed interest in my work, I had to check my optimism. I pretty much held my breath until the first copies of Closer arrived at my door. Like any other serious poet, I want to publish numerous collections. (At least I have a formidable backlog.) I want to continue to grow and improve. One thing I’ve noticed about the successful writers I’ve met, none of them believed they’d reached some plateau or zenith.

S: Your prospective and journey is a valuable one and one reason I wanted to include you in this series. I’m originally from the Midwest, but after I left the area a good portion of my family moved to Texas and live in Houston. I’ve been quite a few times over the last few years. You are a Texan native and I wondered what it was like growing up as a gay man in Texas and how, or if, Texas plays a role in your poetry?

C: I suppose this won’t be a blinding revelation, but in the early 60’s , when it came to issues of tolerance and progressive thinking, Texas was hardly leading the way. Despite the fact that we have one of the largest LGBT Communities in the country, I’m not sure how far we’ve come since then. When I was a kid, gay people were only discussed in whispers, and the predominant thinking seemed to be that if you were a “homosexual” that meant you were either : mentally ill, a degenerate or both. Since I knew I was neither of those, I was in complete denial. And when I did succumb to homoerotic fantasies, it filled me with self-loathing and guilt. I had the misfortune of springing a boner in the locker room and most of my life in junior high was miserable.

I suspect that if I had been okay with my queer virility I’d have addressed other issues in my poetry. How do I explain? Some of my poetry serves as tool for exploration of queer maleness and a sense of exuberance. Some doesn’t. Because I felt so conflicted it influenced much of my work. It was an act of self-reconciliation.

S: That’s an interesting way to look at it. One of my favorite poems in your collection was one called “Little Red Riding Hood.” I love the imagery and wonderful strangeness of the poem. I’ve written some poems myself that use fairy tales as jumping off points. Could you say a bit about how this poem came into being?

C: My first exposure to Fairy Tale poetry was Louise Glück ‘s “Gretel in Darkness.” Or perhaps Susan Mitchell’s “From the Journals of the Frog Prince.” That one, especially, knocked me on my ass. I found myself intrigued and electrified. There are many interpretive pieces written on Little Red Riding Hood (Uses of Enchantment is great!) and I’d read that her cloak is a menstruation symbol. So when I wrote the poem, I knew I wanted to start with that, but I also knew I wanted to focus on the wolf’s story.

S: It’s a great poem. From reading your book, I noticed in a few poems this “piling up” of phrases or descriptions normally connected with a lot of “ands” or commas. It gave the poems an interesting effect. Could you speak about this technique a bit? I particularly noticed it in the second poem in the collection “The World in a Book of Matches.”

C: Yes, it’s less grammatically efficient, but occasionally I do that because it can create a kind of exponential energy. Playwrights will sometimes use this approach in a monologue. I like lists, and I love the way (for instance) that Gertrude Stein is able to achieve power through repetition. But she makes it look easy, and if you aren’t meticulous, it just comes off as a gimmick. Sometimes, if I get it right, using superfluous “ands” can be an informal way of cultivating urgency and (dare I say?) a kind of muted hysteria. I don’t think a poem must necessarily cleave to the rules of grammar to be effective or cogent.

S: I also enjoy listing and feel it can add greatly to the overall feel of a poem. I’m currently in the process of having my first book published and I’m thinking about cover art, so I wanted to ask you about the cover of your book. How was this image selected? What role did you play in that?

C: It’s actually kind of a funny story. Sven sent me several sample covers and they just weren’t quite working for me. I noticed the photo art website link, so I went there and started “shopping around.” Since the title poem takes place in a shower, I started with artistic nude photos of men bathing. None of them were graphic. Then I broadened it to pairs of men in general. I wound up, apologetically, sending Sven 80 different photographs. He was very good-natured about it. He narrowed those down to 6, and we both agreed on the final photo right away. It’s kind of eye-catching, no?

S: Yes, it is. I was particularly moved by your poem “Propositions.” I’m a big animal lover, so that’s what first struck me about the poem, but it’s really so beautifully constructed and speaks to something very human. How did this poem come into being?

C: Well, it was inspired by our Siamese cat, Coco. When she was in heat, the tomcats would surround our house very late at night, making those enervating, ghastly, “come hither” cries and it was chilling and annoying. Of course, this meant Coco wanted to go out, and there was absolutely no way that was going to happen. It got me to thinking how, despite the danger, there’s always something a bit exciting and tantalizing about the idea of connecting with strangers, for purely sexual reasons. Certainly there were very practical reasons for not succumbing to my cat’s pleas, but I had to wonder if personal experience (or guilt) wasn’t involved in my protective impulses.

S: If someone came up to you who hasn’t read much poetry, what is the one book you would tell them they have to read first?

C: If I knew nothing else about them, I would recommend Ashes : Poems New and Old by Philip Levine. Levine does most everything right, and is very accessible and exhilarating. There is a density beyond his narratives that emerges on closer inspection, but when someone is starting out, it helps to give them something that excites them right away. If it were a gay friend, I’d probably suggest something by Mark Doty, like Bethlehem in Broad Daylight or Fire to Fire, for the sake of inspiration. Both Doty and Levine are excellent craftsman, and they’re not especially interested in being elusive.

S: You graduated with your MFA in poetry from Vermont College in 2005. What was your MFA experience like and what did you gain from it as a poet?

C: It was validating, absorbing and useful. It built up my confidence and encouraged me to believe in my scholarly abilities. I learned how to analyze poetry and write a comprehensive thesis without feeling intimidated or stymied. Most of the established poets I worked with there were forthright and genuine advocates for my ability and quite plainspoken about my strengths and weaknesses. If this sort of feedback is offered in the right spirit, it can really be tremendously liberating. Until you become part of an academic setting, you imagine it as some kind of intellectual Utopia, but it has the same foibles and blind spots as any other community. Earning my MFA is one of the best things I’ve ever done. On the downside I fell in love with a straight guy and really thought I’d never recover. Strychnine would have been smarter.

S: You participated in the Writer’s Retreat for Emerging LGBT Voices last year. What was that experience like and did it influence your work?

C: Well, of course, any gathering of LGBT folk in one place can be tremendously nurturing and a relief. At the time I went I was still recovering from some personal catastrophes and I was something of a basket case. I couldn’t sleep. I kept waiting for something terrible to happen and it never did. That being said, I felt very welcomed and embraced and respected and understood. As if I were entering a group of people who were already my friends. And they were. The first night we went around the circle talking about why we were there, and what we hoped to get from our experience. I was last and spoke about the cowardice and hubris of those who persecute our tribe. I didn’t get very much out before I burst into tears. Everyone was so empathetic and comforting. My time there certainly sparked vehemence and frankness in writing. Well. Even more than before. Some of my lesbian sisters there put my sexual content to shame.

S: It sounds like a powerful experience. From that experience and your others, how would you classify the state of gay and lesbian poetry in America?

C: I think we’re fortunate in the sense that we’re already perceived by so many as anarchists and fringe dwellers, that it makes it easier to be audacious and frank. And those are great qualities for any artist to possess. I think the state of gay and lesbian poetry is quite marvelous because we make room for such a wide variety of voices. You have Adrienne Rich and John Ashbery for erudition, Mary Oliver who is articulate, spiritual and rarely addresses gender issues, Gertrude Stein for the avant-garde, the late Reginald Shepherd (who made me swoon) and the trenchant satire of Edward Field. We have everything from the blasphemous to the sublime. And that’s exactly as it should be.

S: Now for some fun: What poet(s) dead or alive would you most like to have sex with? And what kind of sex would it be?

C: How about a circle jerk with : D.H. Lawrence, Baudelaire, Rimbaud, Cummings, Allen Ginsberg, Whitman, Frank O’Hara and Thom Gunn?

S: Sounds hot to me. What is one poem you think is so great that you totally wish you had written it?

C: “Lady Lazarus” by Sylvia Plath

S: Who are a few artists who would appear on the soundtrack to Closer?

C: Patti Smith, Phillip Glass, Billie Holliday, David Bowie, Green Day, Adam Lambert, Michael Stipe, Joni Mitchell, U2, Sam Cooke and Talking Heads?

S: What celebrity should play you in your bio-pic?

C: Jake Gyllenhaal

S: I love him. Lastly, what are you currently working on?

C: Theatre and film critique, a second poetry collection, plays, including a contemporary version of Medea.

S: Sounds like you have plenty on your plate. Good luck with it all and thank you for talking with me.

-Stephen (Q&A)

Podcast 38: My Mother Calls to Say Her Bones Are Disappearing

2011-08-15T14:40:00.003-04:00

I've slowed down a bit on the blogging in the last few weeks. Maybe it is the heat. Maybe I've been preoccupied with other things. Or maybe I've just been lazy. Regardless, I wanted to post something today and start to get back on track.

I've spent a lot of my time this summer writing and working on a new long poem called "A Brief History of How My Parents Didn't Die." It is a 16 page poem that documents the real events of an explosion that happened in my hometown in the 1960s. It's been an interesting and challenging project. Since, I've spent so much time on this one piece, I haven't written as many shorter works as I typically do.

Today's podcast is of one of the few other pieces I've written in the last few months. It is a poem called "My Mother Calls to Say Her Bones Are Disappearing." The poem is structured in a similar way to a few other poems of mine that use a phone call as a jumping off point. Maybe I have a series here.

I hope you will enjoy hearing this new piece, which I have just started sending out to magazines.

Listen here.

-Stephen (Boned)

Independent Bookstores vs. Amazon: Not So Black and White

2011-08-03T10:22:00.005-04:00

In the last few months, I've seen a lot of articles discussing the closing or struggle of independent bookstores mostly due to the success of Amazon. This is obviously not a new issue. Independent bookstores have been struggling in this country for years (remember that terrible You've Got Mail movie?). Now even the big chain stores like Barnes and Noble and Borders are struggling and closing. It seems for the time being, Amazon is winning the battle.

I want to begin by saying, I fully support the idea of independent bookstores. They provide not only a place to buy books, but a place to build community. Many independent bookstores hold readings and signings. It is through many of these bookstores that certain poets, throughout the years, have been promoted and recognized. It is a vital part of the literary community.

Having said that, there aren't these kind of independent bookstores everywhere. I've never lived in a really big city or a very literary city, so I've read about the amazing happenings at independent bookstores, but I've rarely personally witnessed them.

All of the articles I have read on the topic, praise independent bookstores and demonize Amazon. This is easy to do. We love stories about the little guy or the underdog. We like to hate big business (even while most of us still support it with our money). And when I'm saying "we," I'm including myself. I don't enjoy going to big box stores. I think big business, as a whole, is hurting our country. But it is also very easy to demonize the big guy and make the issue seem very black and white.

In the case of independent bookstores vs. Amazon, the issue isn't that black and white. Amazon is a big company and they can sell items for much cheaper prices than a local independent bookstore and that, in turn, can greatly hurt these stores and put them out of business. They do seem to be wanting to control the selling of almost everything. This is probably not going to be a great thing, if they fully succeed. Yes, I understand these issues, and I know, like most big businesses, Amazon has some questionable practices.

On the other hand, I have to consider my own experience and factor this into the equation. I grew up in a small Indiana city as a gay boy who wanted to be a poet. The only independent bookstores in my town were Christian bookstores. We didn't even have a big box bookstore like Barnes and Noble or Borders. When I discovered Amazon, I felt like I had discovered the world. Amazon gave me access to books I would never have been able to find (probably in the entire state I lived in). Through Amazon, I could buy poetry books, classic gay literature, and new gay books. These books helped shape me into the person I am today and the poet I've become.

I went college in an even smaller rural town in Indiana with even less access to many books. I relied on Amazon through college to provide me with a window into a broader more accepting world. In grad school, I also relied on Amazon, partially for the same reasons. Tallahassee, FL isn't exactly booming with access to literature. I also had very little money as a grad student and Amazon gave me a place I could get more bang for my buck (besides, compared to the practices of most college bookstores, Amazon wins in my mind).

When I read these articles, I often feel that these writers forget that the middle of the country exists or that the South exists or some people live in small, rural areas. I've never lived in New York City or San Francisco. Every place I've lived, it has been very hard to find the books I want to read or need to read. In some cases, I could order the books from the presses themselves, which I do sometimes. Other times, the books are no longer available through the presses and there are few other options. When I attend readings, I often purchase the books at the reading, which helps support the author and the press. This again is not always an option.

I'm not saying Amazon is perfect or we shouldn't be concerned or that it isn't hurting independent bookstores, but I am saying that this issue is more complicated than many seem willing to admit. Amazon does serve areas where people don't easily have access to a variety of books.

The world is changing. I don't want to see all independent bookstores wiped out, but I do want some young gay teen in rural Indiana to be able to buy the books he needs/wants to read. We can demonize Amazon all we want, but it is winning the battle because it can offer a world of books to anyone in the world. I don't think the solution is simply to ignore that or to demonize that. There is some good here.

I don't have all the answers, but I wanted to write this post to continue the discussion and to gray the issue just a bit. We need to find a balance. We need independent bookstores. Those of you who live in areas with great ones, should be supporting them. We also need access to keep people reading and engaging in the literary world. Right now, these two seem at odds with each other, and I hope eventually a bridge can be built.

-Stephen (2 Cents)

Interview Series: Jeremy Halinen

2011-07-25T14:32:00.005-04:00

It is time again for my monthly interview series with an emerging GLBT poet. Today’s post features an interview with Jeremy Halinen. I first became aware of Halinen when he published my poem “Against Our Better Judgment We Plan a Trip to Iran” in Knockout, which he helps edit. Since then I have followed Halinen’s work and become a fan of his.

His first full-length book, What Other Choice, was published late last year. Halinen has graciously offered to do a drawing along side this interview. Anyone who makes a comment on this post and leaves an email contact will be entered in a drawing to win a signed copy of his book. Halinen does request that only those who don’t already have a copy enter. You have until 11:59 PM EST on Monday, August 1^st to enter. That is one week from today. I will email the winner and announce it on my blog. But first, you need to read this great interview.

Stephen: When did you first know you were a poet?

Jeremy: Am I a poet? I can’t think of anything I’d rather be, but I don’t know if anyone can claim that about themselves. I certainly didn’t think of myself as a poet until at least age 18 or 19, if even then. I started writing fiction as a child and always suspected I’d grow up to be a best-selling novelist. Although I wrote a handful of poems in my childhood and teen years, I didn’t really read much poetry until university, at which point I recall The Vintage Book of African American Poetry, edited by Michael S. Harper and Anthony Walton, being a touchstone collection for me. I started writing poems regularly in my journals during my first year at university and soon began to share them with any friends who would read them or listen to me read them. Eventually I think I thought that more than anything else in my life writing poems gave me reason to live. I wasn’t out of the closet yet and was struggling internally with my sexual orientation. I think there was both a lot of despair in my life then and a lot of hope, and poems gave me hope, gave me a sense of control over at least part of my destiny.

S: I also started out thinking I was going to be a great novelist, so I connect with that aspect of your journey. Your first book, What Other Choice, came out late last year and I actually reviewed it here on my blog. It’s a great first book and contains a lot of sharp and powerful poems about the gay experience. Could you speak a little bit about putting together the book? When did you know you had a book and not just some poems (if that makes sense)?

J: What Other Choice is actually not my very first book, although it is my first full-length collection. In my senior year at St. Andrews (yes, no apostrophe in “Andrews”) Presbyterian College my chapbook manuscript Fragments of Water won the 2003 Alan Bunn Memorial Award, a contest open to all juniors and seniors at the college. It was a pretty big deal to me at the time, and I’m a bit surprised that I can say this, but I actually still like the book; I’m not claiming it’s great literature or anything, but it still interests me on the rare occasion that I pick it up and flip through it. Here’s a poem from that chapbook that’s more domestic and more playful, I think, than many of the poems in What Other Choice:

Nipples

My lover asked me

not to walk around the

house without a shirt on.

He said my nipples

were watching him like

eyes, making him nervous.

“They’re only watching

you,” I said, “because you’re a

sight for sore nipples.”

My lover said that was

sweet, but he didn’t

want to be stared at.

Would I please put

on a shirt or would he

have to do it for me?

“What if my nipples are

afraid of the dark?” I

asked. “What then?

My lover said nipples, like

eyes, are sensory organs and

cannot be frightened.

“Fear is in the mind,”

he said. “Your nipples

will be fine.”

What Other Choice was a long time in the making; I began writing its poems in 2005 and finished them in 2010. It took a long time before the manuscript was formed and it actually felt like a cohesive collection.

S: Wow, I didn’t know that about your first chapbook. Who doesn’t like a poem about nipples? That is quite an accomplishment at such a young age.

I connected a lot with What Other Choice because you are direct and don’t shy away from explicit material and you reveal many flaws of the speaker(s) in your poems. I do much of the same in my own work.

I know from my experience, some readers and even fellow poets don’t always like it when such explicit material is included in poems (especially when it is gay-sex related). People often say someone is doing this only to shock people. Have you met that resistance with your own work? How would you respond to that perspective?

J: I’ve met with some resistance, certainly. I tried to get a number of what I consider some of the best poems in What Other Choice published in literary journals but those poems were rejected over and over, poems such as “My Cock Is Climbing Mount Everest,” “Or,” “Sugar,” and “Where There’s a Fist, There’s a Way.” I can’t say that it was the explicit content in those poems that precluded them from publication, but a couple of times editors said that such content was what caused them to reject the poems. I found that frustrating, of course, as I think that such narrow-minded opinions can stunt especially a young poet’s development. Luckily for me and my readers such as you who actually like my explicit poems, I didn’t let the rejection change the way I wrote and kept such poems in my full-length manuscript. In some ways, I’m glad that those poems weren’t published in journals earlier though, as it gave me more time to revise them and make them stronger. I think that it’s important for daringly explicit work to be as polished and as of high literary quality as possible. Here are some explicit poems of mine published in an edgy new online journal called Menacing Hedge, poems that aren’t in What Other Choice and that took me a long time to get published (I started sending three of them—“John the Baptist’s Headgear on a Platter,” “Origins,” and “Prayer,”—out in 2007).

I don’t write poems to shock people, and I know that some people think that poems with explicit gay sex in them are intended for such a purpose, but usually that’s not the case. (That said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with shocking someone with a poem, if such a thing is still possible.) I write the poems I write because they’re the ones that I’ve been given to write and also because I think it’s important for us as gay people to write about our own lives, rather than let others (who do not know what it is to live our lives) write about us and thus define us. I think it’s important for young LGBTs to have poems they can turn to, poems that can help them make sense of who they are and what they experience. Being an L or a G or a B or a T is not easy in America, let alone much of the rest of the world. It’s dangerous at least some of the time, frequently stressful. We need poems (and stories and plays and movies and music) that is honest and that gives us hope.

If we LGBT poets don’t exercise our freedom of speech—that precious muscle, our tongue—we’ll lose it. We must insist on making our words and ideas known in the world.

S: I couldn’t agree more. These are some of the various reasons that keep me writing the poems that I write. You have a poem in your book titled “Dear Laramie, Dear Liar, Dear Once Upon a Time.” It obviously references the murder of Matthew Shepard. This is a topic I’ve also written about and it seems to be one that lots of gay poets have tackled. What made you write this poem and why do you think that murder has had such an impact in gay poetry?

J: It’s shameful that more than ten years after the murder of Matthew Shepard, LGBT people are still being murdered. From what I’ve heard, transgender women of color are disproportionally victims of hate crimes against LGBT people in America, not to mention that they are often economically disadvantaged because of rampant discrimination against them. I want to say to anyone listening: Wake up, America; we are all brothers and sisters; if you hurt one of your trans brothers or sisters, you hurt yourself.

You know, I can’t remember exactly what made me write “Dear Laramie, Dear Liar, Dear Once Upon a Time”; I do remember writing it, how it came to me quickly one day, but it certainly wasn’t a poem I planned. I’d certainly read a number of other poems dealing with Matthew Shepard’s murder, most notably poems in Charles Jensen’s The First Risk. What I think is perhaps most moving about “Dear Laramie, Dear Liar, Dear Once Upon a Time” is that it’s poem not about his death but a poem that imagines a Laramie, a world, in which his being gay doesn’t put him in danger.

S: I have read many on the topic and I have to say yours is one of my favorites for the reason you just mentioned. It takes a different twist on the event.

You are the second poet I’ve interviewed who lives in the Seattle area. How would you describe the poetry scene there and do you feel location changes how and what you write?

J: I love Seattle; we have some great independent bookstores, including my favorite, the poetry-only Open Books. We have all sorts of poetry readings going on all the time. There’s really too much for anyone to keep up with, and I don’t even try. I imagine location affects how and what I write, but I’m not sure how. That said, I don’t consider myself a poet of place. My focus is more on the human condition, rather than where it’s set.

Living in the heart of Seattle as I do probably effects how often I write more than what I write. There are so many things to do in Seattle that I may write less here than I would if I lived in some little isolated town without many distractions. For now, though, I’m happy here, although I wish the rent wasn’t so high.

S: From looking at your educational background, you seem to have attended a few religious schools. You also have some poems coming out in an anthology focused on faith, religion, and spirituality within the GLBT community. Religion is often portrayed as an enemy to the gay movement, and, in many ways, it has been. What is your perspective and what got you involved in this particular anthology?

J: Yes, I attended a number of religious schools. I didn’t have much choice in the matter in middle school and high school, and it seemed easiest for me to go to a religious university, although I wasn’t really sure what I believed then and hadn’t really thought of myself as a Christian ever since I turned ten. I tried to “believe,” as I was taught I should, but I doubted for years and years. During my first year at Trinity Western University I took two religious studies courses that opened my eyes to the origins of Christianity and let me begin to view the Bible as a fallible document written by men with agendas, rather than the infallible “Word of God.” It wasn’t easy at first to let go of the “Christian worldview” (which happened to be homophobic) that I had been “instilled” in me, but I did eventually let it go. Now it seems so foreign to me, it’s hard to believe that I ever bought into it.

The poems of mine you mention that are forthcoming in collective BRIGHTNESS: LGBTIQ Poets on Faith, Religion & Spirituality (which is edited by Kevin Simmonds and forthcoming in October 2011 from Sibling Rivalry Press), “Some Nights Even God Is Agnostic” and “Stranger,” both first appeared in What Other Choice and are poems that don’t put the Christian concept of God in a great light.

As far as what I “believe” about faith, religion, and spirituality at this point in my life, I think consciousness is pretty fucking cool and might come as close to the pinnacle as anything. I tend to be monistic, suspecting that matter and spirit are one.

S: You edit the literary journal Knockout. How did Knockout come into being and how would you describe the mission of the journal? What kind of work do you look for?

J: Knockout came about in 2007 and began when Brett Ortler, my coeditor, and I were poetry editors for Willow Springs at Eastern Washington University in Spokane. We only had so much time left before our time at EWU and Willow Springs would end, and we both wanted to keep publishing and editing great poetry, so we decided to start Knockout. One of our primary goals from the get-go was to publish a 50-50 mix of work by LGBT and non-LGBT poets. We’ve since also published some short fiction and creative nonfiction, as well as some poet interviews; poet Rickey Laurentiis and I are currently interviewing poet Cyrus Cassells about his forthcoming book The Crossed-Out Swastika for Knockout. We’ve been lucky to publish so many great poems by great poets during the past several years. I’m excited for the forthcoming issue, which will showcase the winners and runners-up of Knockout’s 2009 International Reginald Shepherd Memorial Poetry Prize, as well as poems by poets including, but by no means limited to, Todd Boss, Cyrus Cassells, Billy Collins, Julie R. Enszer, Scott Hightower, Christopher Howell, Rickey Laurentiis, Jesse Lee Kercheval, Dana Guthrie Martin, and Jory Michelson.

After this forthcoming fourth issue, I’m actually stepping down from coeditor to editor-at-large. It was a difficult decision to make, but I feel that I need a break from Knockout for the foreseeable future. I’ll still be involved in soliciting some work and in reading some submissions, but I won’t be doing nearly as much as I’ve done on the first four issues.

S: It really is a great publication. I was thrilled to be in the third issue. You’ve done a great job of getting a wonderful balance of poets.

Who are your greatest influences?

J: I don’t think I could ever answer this question fully or without leaving people out inadvertently, but some poets who have made a huge impression on me and my writing include Ronald H. Bayes, Theodore Enslin, Denver Butson, Jeffery Beam, Jonathan Williams, Thomas Meyer, CAConrad, Christopher Howell, Jonathan Johnson, Nance Van Winckel, John Wieners, Larissa Szporluk, Antler, Nathan Whiting, Richard Siken, Carol Guess, Elizabeth J. Colen, Dana Guthrie Martin, and Carl Phillips. I could go on and on.

S: Now for some fun: What poet(s) dead or live would you most like to have sex with? And what kind of sex would it be?

J: I’m not going to name any living poets; it wouldn’t be prudent. The only dead poet I can think of right now that I would most like to have “slept” with, had I been alive and of age at the time he was alive, is Langston Hughes. He was such a handsome man, with a rich voice. Who could resist?

What kind of sex? I think I’ll leave that to the imagination.

S: What is something that you absolutely love that would surprise most people?

J: The smell of ozone.

S: Who are a few artists who would appear on the soundtrack to What Other Choice?

J: I can think of a few composers whose work would appear: Henri Lazarof, Gustav Mahler, and Erik Satie.

S: What is one poem you think is so great that you totally wish you had written it?

J: “You Are Jeff” by Richard Siken (which you can find in his book Crush). I’m also pretty partial toward CAConrad’s poem “It’s True I Tell Ya My Father Is a 50¢ Party Balloon” (which you can find in his book Deviant Propulsion). And many of Carl Phillips’s poems belong in this category.

S: What celebrity should play you in your bio-pic?

J: I don’t think I’d want a celebrity to play me; I’d rather an unknown actor played me. If I had to pick a celebrity, I would probably pick Ryan Kwanten (who plays Jason Stackhouse in True Blood).

S: If he plays you, there’d better be some good sex scenes. Lastly, what are you currently working on?

J: I imagine that by the time there’s any interest, if ever, in making a bio-pic about me, Ryan Kwanten and I will both be nearly dead, so I hope there are no sex scenes if he plays me then.

I’m currently working concurrently (and rather slowly) on five full-length manuscripts, actually. One is a book-length erasure poem, another is a book of prose poems, yet another a book of short linked poems, and still another a book of poems based on the title character of CAConrad’s delightful collection The Book of Frank. Here’s a couple of my “Frank” poems that will appear in that book (and which first appeared in my chapbook Fragments of Water, which I mentioned earlier):

Frank 1

for CAConrad

when frank was a

child he was chubby

and his father worked

in the deli section

of a small grocery

one night after hours

frank’s father took him

to the store and

laid him stomach-down

on the meat slicer

he sold sliced frank

the next day for

seven dollars a pound

parents of other chubby

children at frank’s school

noticed frank’s rapid weight

loss at the next

pta meeting they asked

frank’s father how frank

had slimmed down so

fast soon after they

began to show up

after hours at the

deli with their own

chubby children and frank’s

father made his fortune

Frank 2

for CAConrad

when frank was a

teenager his father found

frank’s stash of gay

poems and bit frank’s

wrist frank grabbed a

pair of scissors and

plunged them into his

father’s neck frank’s father

never punished him again

The fifth manuscript I’m working on is just a loose collection of poems that hasn’t taken much shape yet but will, sooner, I hope, than later.

S: So you really aren’t doing much? Wow, that’s a lot of stuff to work on and keep up with. Thanks for doing this interview and talking poetry with me.

J: Thank you, Stephen! Congratulations again on your forthcoming first book, He Do the Gay Man in Different Voices. I’m looking forward to reading it when Sibling Rivalry releases it next March!

S: Thank you.

-Stephen (Q&A)

Jeremy Halinen is cofounder and coeditor of Knockout Literary Magazine. What Other Choice, his first full-length collection of poems, won the 2010 Exquisite Disarray First Book Poetry Contest and is available here and here. His poems have also appeared in Best Gay Poetry 2008, Crab Creek Review, the Los Angeles Review, Poet Lore, Sentence, and elsewhere. He resides in Seattle.

Call for Books to Review

2011-07-20T15:07:00.004-04:00

I was late to the blogging world. Okay, I was really, really late. I started my blog two years ago when pretty much everything you read about blogs was that they were dying. The in-crowd has, I guess, moved on to other things. Regardless, I have found success here with my blog and it has kept me writing and thinking critically about poetry, social issues, pop culture, and my own life.

At the beginning of 2011, I had the goal to broaden the scope of my blog and to include more voices. I want my site to be a place that not only explores my ideas and promotes my work, but explores and promotes others' ideas and work. I've done this through my monthly interview series, which has been extremely rewarding and enjoyable. I've also done this by reviewing books I've read that truly strike me.

Today, I'm wanting to take my reviewing a step further, so I am putting out a call for books to review. I am willing to review any poetry book someone wants to send me. Before, I have pretty much only reviewed books I picked myself and truly enjoyed in some way, so this will be a new challenge. I will be honest in my reviews, but my goal is not to trash anyone's book.

If you are a poet out there looking for more reviews of your book, please send me an email at stephenscott22@gmail.com. I look forward to reading and reviewing your work.

-Stephen (Calling)

Podcast 37: My Attempt at an Epic AIDS Poem That References Harry Potter

2011-07-18T14:45:00.003-04:00

In honor of all the Harry Potter craziness happening around me, I thought I would do a podcast of the only poem I've ever written that actually mentions Harry Potter. I'm not a big fan myself. I haven't read any of the books and I've only seen about half of the movies, but I know many people who are. I have nothing against Harry Potter. It just isn't really my thing, but it's done great things to get kids excited about reading and it is a well done and written series from everything I've seen about it.

My podcast is a recording of my poem "My Attempt at an Epic AIDS Poem That References Harry Potter." It is a poem I wrote a little over two years ago and it is based off an interview and back and forth email conversation with someone who is HIV positive. It is very much tied to what I've mentioned many times on my blog about "documentary poetry." It is a longer poem (three full pages), so you have to listen carefully.

I hope you enjoy it.

Listen here.

-Stephen (Harry)

My Next Step: Big News

2011-07-14T18:49:00.005-04:00

The other day I was in my office and my coworkers were discussing their various childhood dreams and the things they wanted to be when they grew up. It's typical for a young kid to want to be an astronaut, a police officer, a pilot, a doctor, or some famous actor or musician. I listened as they named all of the various occupations they once imagined for themselves and then they turned to me. I had remained rather quiet during the conversation because I didn't have much to add. I then said, actually, I've only ever wanted to be one thing and that is a writer.

It's true. From the very beginning, I imagined myself a published author. I had this imagine of myself almost before I could even write. I remember in 4th or 5th grade, we read a book about the underground railroad that was based on the actual history of it around the area I grew up. The author of the book came to our class to talk about it. Afterward, he autographed little pieces of white paper for anyone who was interested. Of course, I was. I hung his signature up in a cabinet I had in my bedroom. Every time I opened the door, I saw his name and thought I want to be a writer just like him and give out my autograph.

Some might think it is sad that my dream hasn't changed. Others might see me as stubborn or crazy, which I probably am. To be a writer in the 21st century is not easy or probably very smart. This is especially true when I realized I actually wanted to be a poet, which complicates things further.

Over the last three years, I've had a lot of writing success. I've had lots of poems published and my work has gotten some nice recognition from many people I admire, but today I'm writing this post to tell you all that my work is taking yet another step.

I just signed my very first book contract. Sibling Rivalry Press is going to publish my first book titled He Do the Gay Man in Different Voices. It will be published on March 15, 2012.

As many of you know, the last three years haven't been easy for me, but they have produced some of my very best work. This book manuscript is almost entirely made out of poems I wrote here in Orlando over the last three years. The book deals with violence and sexuality in various ways and I'm very proud of each of the poems. I'm thankful to all of my friends and to my partner, Dustin, for supporting me, inspiring me, and encouraging me.

I'm extremely excited to be a part of Sibling Rivalry Press. They have been publishing some great books in the last year and they are devoted to presenting poets' work in the very best way possible. I'm joining an amazing family of poets.

This is another step in my journey and I'm thrilled to share it with all of you. I will obviously be blogging about this more and more in the months to come, but right now I'm happy to announce you can all buy a copy of my first book next March and you better do it.

-Stephen (Grateful)

A Gay Boy Walks Into a Gym

2011-07-06T16:44:00.006-04:00

When you grow up as a skinny, red-haired, gay boy, like I did, sports and gym classes are not your favorite things. In fact, you grow to despise them, worry about them, and even fear them. I hated the idea of group sports from the time I can remember. This wasn't necessarily because I was bad at them, but because I never felt comfortable doing them. This probably had a lot to do with my own internal knowledge that I was not like other boys, and that somehow, even doing typical boy things, they would all find out what that something was, even if I couldn't yet name it.

This fear, in turn, never gave me the chance to be good at a sport. I worried too much. I didn't volunteer to play. I often took the route of acknowledging my own inabilities before someone could point them out. In fact, I recall spending many recesses sitting by the lunch lady who supervised us, which isn't a great way to make yourself fit in, but I did learn how to make middle-aged women like me, which is a skill that has come in handy from time to time.

While I did hate group sports and all gym classes, I wasn't an inactive kid. I spent my summers running around outside, climbing trees, and swimming. By the time I got to high school, it seemed like I had missed my chance to be good at sports or to enjoy gym classes. So what did I do? I put off my gym classes as much as possible. Well, that's not completely true.

I took my first one in the summer after my freshmen year and it was horrible. A particular kid made fun of me the whole summer because of my voice. The only part that didn't suck was the swimming part of the class, which was only a week or two. In those weeks, I shined. I was always put into the top swimming group, but this didn't seem to win me any points with the athletic boys (some of which weren't great swimmers). After this experience, I put off my other required gym courses until much later. This meant I was a senior still taking gym.

The last gym class I took was actually a weightlifting class with the football coach. It was the only one to fit in my schedule, and without it I couldn't graduate. There I was, in my final semester of high school, taking a weightlifting class with a bunch of jocks. In many ways, it was my greatest nightmare, but I was determined and was filled with a little bit more courage because I was about to leave not only high school, but my hometown. College was coming!

The weightlifting class wasn't as bad as I imagined. I actually realized it was better than the classes that required lots of group activities. I needed a partner and that was it. On the first day, I found the dorkiest kid I could and made him my partner. We barely spoke all semester long, but we also never made fun of each other. That's not to say others didn't. One kid repeatedly made fun of me every time we took roll and I said "here." He later called me a fag, which I think was the first time I'd ever been called that to my face. Looking back, I think he was probably a gay boy as well, but was taking the "gay hating" route to acceptance. He's probably running for office somewhere as a Republican right now.

I survived the class and graduated. After high school, I had other run-ins with physical activity. I went to a small liberal arts college that required gym classes to graduate, but they were more flexible and broad. I took folk dancing, tai chi, and life-guarding. Over the years, I stepped into gyms from time to time and worked out, but never consistently. The second I would step inside a gym, I would suddenly turn into that little kid again feeling awkward on the basketball court, the baseball field, or in the weightlifting room. I'd look around and see these macho guys with their muscles and their deep voices, and I would give in to my own fear and insecurities.

I've managed to survive without going to the gym on a regular basis. I stay active. I eat well. I've maintained my skinny gay boy body that, in my adulthood, I've realized people like. But at the same time, I've hated that my past has dictated my feelings about going to the gym and being accepted there. Gyms are a big part of gay culture for many people, but not for me. I've never felt like that kind of gay guy.

In May, I decided to try to change all of that. Through my work, I get a pretty good deal on a gym membership to the YMCA (insert gay joke here). I signed my partner and myself up and I've been going 1-3 times a week since. These are small steps, but I'm doing it. I've discovered I enjoy spinning classes, which has been a plus. It's not easy, because I've never made formal exercise part of my everyday life and, like many people, I kind of hate it. I also know that I'm approaching my 30s and I should start exercising more and keeping myself in shape. I also have an unhealthy fear of gaining weight, but that's another blog post.

I've upped my challenge by signing up for The Smart Ride, which is a 165 mile bike ride from Miami to Key West. It happens every November and raises money for people living with HIV/AIDS. This is a cause that my partner and I have been devoted to and we both decided to push ourselves and do this ride. This will help me with the gym, because I'll have a good goal to work toward. It will be a big challenge, but one I'm excited about. The ride ends in Key West just a day or two before my birthday, so we are planning to stay a few days and celebrate my 29th birthday in Key West, which sounds like a pretty great time (that is if I can still walk after the 165 mile bike ride). I will post again about the ride, but if anyone is interested in supporting me now, you can donate money here.

I know many people look at me as someone with a lot of confidence and courage, and I have some of both, but that doesn't mean I don't have insecurities and my own challenges. I've spent most of my life thinking I can't be good at sports or exercising without ever really having the proof. Here's my chance to prove myself wrong.

-Stephen (Spinning)

Interview Series: Steven Reigns

2011-06-27T12:48:00.004-04:00

It is hard to believe that half of 2011 is already over. One of my goals for the year is to devote a post a month to interviewing an emerging GLBT poet. I’ve had an amazing time doing this project and getting to know more about many of my peers that I greatly admire.

June marks my sixth interview and this month I talked with Steven Reigns. I hope you will enjoy our conversation.

Stephen: Let’s start at the beginning. Do you remember the first poem you wrote and what it was about? Or when did you first get into poetry?

Steven: I was thankful to have Jean Young as an elementary school teacher. In the sixth grade she taught our Language Arts class using this progressive curriculum that involved creative writing and peer review. I wrote poems in that class that were submitted to a national elementary school journal that got published. One poem was about the Missouri artist George Bingham, the other was, when I look back, surprisingly complex for my age about a swan, lake, and the clouds.

I loved writing poetry, loved having my work in print, the attention it got me. I felt special for the first time—as if I had something to contribute, that I had a talent or gift. I loved the identity as a poet but middle school was around the corner and I soon found myself teased for it, as well as my gayness. It was at that time I distanced myself from both things thinking it would bring me happiness and acceptance. The irony is that now they are the two things that have brought me the most happiness.

S: I started writing creative work around the same time myself and can very much identify with those feelings. After reading your most recent book, Inheritance, I knew I wanted to interview you.

S: Thanks. I’m flattered because I read your blog and have enjoyed learning about the other poets you’ve interviewed.

S: Thank you. From reading the poems in your newest book, I was drawn to your autobiographical approach to poetry. I then found out that you actually teach some workshops on autobiographical poetry to the GLBT community. My approach to poetry is very similar. How exactly do you define the term autobiographical poetry and how did you come to writing it?

S: In my own poetry I never want to hide behind terms like “the speaker” of the poem. I want readers to know that these poems are true. There isn’t a fictionalizing of events or people. I sometimes think the root of all reading, writing, and storytelling is about connection. My first collection had fictionalized events and real events. There was a general assumption by readers that all of the stories were true. They were emotionally relating to the work that wasn’t real. This made me feel uneasy, as if I was misleading them.

For my poetry, I desire to express the deepest truth I know. Part of my editing involves looking over a poem and questioning if there’s something I’m not saying. If I’m omitting something out of fear, I know I what I need to include.

S: That’s a very interesting perspective. I seem to be coming around to the same conclusion. I’ve also been experimenting with what you might call “documentary poetry,” which often combines my story with facts about another event or person.

When you teach poetry, how do you approach it? What are the challenges? Where do you start?

S: I believe we all have the ability to write and every voice deserves time, space, and consideration. A big part of my teaching is getting my students to understand this and to create a safe space for them to explore and create.

S: Writers who do such a great job of showing readers the multiple layers of their characters always strike me and you do that so well in this book. The “mother” figure in these poems is difficult to like. In some poems she’s shouting things like “‘You seem to want to be a girl. / Maybe we could go to the doctor and he can make you a girl.’” It is easy to hate this woman, but then we come to the poem “My Mother Applies for a Job.” This was one of my favorites because of how it added so much to the mother in these poems. She is so vulnerable here. When putting together this book, was this something you carefully considered?

S: I’m so pleased to hear you saw her vulnerability in that poem and that it was remembered. I think the awful things are easier to remember sometimes. We’ll vividly recount the car crash but not the five cars that pulled over to help.

I recently made an agreement with myself to stop talking about and writing about the abuse in my past. This isn’t out denial, this is about ensuring the abuse doesn’t consume my adult life too. I see my first collection, Your Dead Body is My Welcome Mat, as a recounting of the horrors. I think of Inheritance as a document of the after effects. Those experiences shaped me greatly but I’m no longer keeping my sights on the past, I’m interested in my present and future.

My parents were horrible at times. They were also loving at other times. Having them as parents was a mixed bag—so is about everything else. My perception of myself and my life were profoundly changed when I read Robyn Posen’s essay where she stated “I would not trade this me for a different childhood, a different mother.” I eventually used this as one of the pull quotes for the book.

S: How did you think about the placement of the poems in this collection?

S: The collection is devised into three sections. Each section’s title is text taken from a Last Will & Testament. Inheritance is a collection with a tight focus but the poems themselves have a different feel. The book’s order was a way of grouping the poems by the emotional experience they represent.

S: Outside of poetry, you recently completed your Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology. How has that influenced your poetry work or has it?

S: The degree hasn’t changed my writing style and hasn’t dictated my subject matter. It has created a busier life for me. I’m not resentful of this. The reality is that no one can support themselves from poetry alone. I’ve always had a deep interest in psychology. The profession, psychology, focuses on the personal and relationships. My poetry has had the same scope. There is a Sigmund Freud quote, “Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me.” Anne Sexton has a poem about the similarities between the professions, “Said The Poet to the Analyst.”

I’ve facilitated a series of support groups utilizing writing as a way of expression, a projective tool, and creating a new narrative. I’ve lead these groups at a residential house for the newly sober and currently have a group at a GLBT senior residential center. I might specialize in the emerging Poetry Therapy field.

S: That sounds fascinating. I’m interested in seeing where “Poetry Therapy” goes.

Inheritance is your second book and you have also published a few chapbooks. Publishing can be one of the trickiest parts of the poetry world. From your experience, what have you learned about publishing? What is your best advice?

S: I’m madly in love with my current publisher Sibling Rivalry Press. It’s an honor to have one’s work at a professional publishing house where it is respected and the poet’s input on the final book is regarded. This wasn’t the case with the first publishing of Inheritance. This new edition is striking and I couldn’t have asked for more.

S: I will say the cover of the new edition more than slightly terrifies me. I like that.

S: I know. It’s by David Moore. I saw it in his book and knew immediately I wanted that image for the cover of Inheritance. I’ve since purchased a large print of it and it’s hanging on my bedroom wall.

I wish there was easy advice when it comes to publishing. One of my favorite writers, Anais Nin, bought her own printing press and published her own books because her work wasn’t getting published. Thanks to Print on Demand publishing, one doesn’t have to manually set the typeface and ink the plates. It’s a bit easier but still it’s a bold act and I applaud anyone putting their work out there for public consumption.

S: You currently live in LA and I’m always interested in having the poets I interview talk a bit about the poetry scene in their location. What is happening poetically in LA?

S: When people ask what I do, I feel a need to specify, “I write poetry.” LA is saturated with screen writers and people working in the industry. When I first moved here I was at a party and this guy told me he was an editor. I asked which publishing house? This was naive of me.

S: Who are your greatest influences?

S: That’s a very long list. I’m influenced by great writing. Reading a really good piece of writing can prompt me to start writing. This isn’t always poetry. What’s ignited me most recently is the short story collection Widow by Michelle Latiolais. I was powerfully moved at the ending of each story. Her grasp and use of language awed me as much as her emotional insight into the characters.

S: I also have found much of my inspiration from fiction. You are my June poet and June is Pride month. How do you think gay poets fit within the wider gay community? What do we offer?

S: I wish I could firmly state where we place within the gay community but I’m not so sure I know where poets place within the larger community either. Honestly, I don’t really think about these things. I’m a poet and my acceptance or rejection isn’t going to change who I am and what I do. The same is true of my gayness.

S: On your website (www.stevenreigns.com), I learned that you are currently participating in a 7-year endurance-performance based project you are calling “S(t)even Years.” Could you explain this project?

S: It is a seven-year project where I focus on one chakra a year. There are colors and focuses associated with each chakra. I’ve made intentions for each year to teach a free workshop based on the theme of that chakra, wear at least one item of clothing everyday of the chakra color, publish a chapbook of the writings each year, and to alter my living space.

This project is under the tutelage of Linda Montano who did a similar project for 14 years. I’m not doing this alone, there are numerous other artists exploring this together and we send out mass emails to each other often.

S: Sounds rather interesting. Now for some fun: What poet(s) dead or live would you most like to have sex with? And what kind of sex would it be?

S: My poem The Dead has some lines about my fantasizing about the men I’ve had sex with that are now dead. Ah, sexualizing the dead. I don’t do it often but welcome an opportunity. David Groff’s Persistent Voices is an anthology of poets who have died from AIDS. It’s a tomb of poetic voices gone too soon. I don’t know if I sexualize them but there’s a beauty in their voices, a unique perspective that is a turn-on. I’d sleep with them—the women and the men. Frank O’Hara also comes to mind. He was sexy but more than that, I want to be loved like he loved the object in “Having a Coke With You.”

S: I’m with you on Frank O’Hara. He is my favorite. What is something that you absolutely love that would surprise most people?

S: Frank really was dreamy. With the photographer Jenny Walters we replicated a Frank O’Hara shot for my chapbook As if Memories Were Not Enough. The style of those poems was inspired by his poetry. Something surprising about me? Soap. My shower usually has about 8-10 different kinds of soap in it.

S: If you could take any of your poems and turn it into a film, what poem would you pick and why?

S: I’d love to see “Recipe Box” turned into a short-short film. It’s a poem about a dear moment where my now-deceased friend shouts out where he would place his dead friends’ memorial cards in a recipe box. That was the first poem that came to my mind, not because I think it’s the best poem or would work best in that medium. Michael was magical and that moment was art. I guess when writing the poem and even when reading it, I want to be there again with him. I am sort of but I’m also painfully aware at how poetry isn’t a time machine. That moment is gone. I documented the moment in a poem but the poem also serves as a reminder of what isn’t around anymore.

S: What is one poem you think is so great that you totally wish you had written it?

S: This answer might change weekly.

S: What celebrity should play you in your bio-pic?

S: Scott Bakula or Kim Fields

S: Lastly, what are you currently working on?

S: I’m still writing poems. My life has been happening at a rapid pace and I don’t have as much time to write as I used to or that I’d like to. I have a new collection that Sibling Rivalry has expressed interest in publishing and my fingers are crossed it happens.

S: Thank you so much for taking the time to do this interview.

Top photo by Mark Oberlin. Bottom photo by Leo Garcia.

-Stephen (Q&A)

Reading Mr. Ripley

2011-06-22T12:32:00.007-04:00

When I put together my list of books to read for this year, I didn't realize how many books I selected that were published in the 1950s and 60s. This shouldn't be very surprising, because it is one of my favorite periods. As most of my readers know, my favorite poet is Frank O'Hara, who wrote during the 50s and 60s. I'm also interested in the treatment of queer characters in the novels of the period.

Yesterday, I finished another book off my list, which has a strong queer undercurrent and was published in the 50s. I just read Patricia Highsmith's The Talented Mr. Ripley. This is a book I've wanted to read for years, but never got around to it. I am a big fan of the film version that came out in the late 90s starring Matt Damon and Jude Law. In fact, the film holds a special place in my heart because it was tied to my journey to accepting my own gayness. I didn't come out until I was 20 and I was about 17 when the movie came out. I specifically remember watching it and it making me feel more and more confused. This had quite a bit to do with the cock shot of Jude Law in the film. I later wrote a poem about the film and my sexuality, but that was well after I came out of the closet.

Highsmith's book is suspenseful crime fiction at its best. She does such a fantastic job of creating the complicated character of Tom Ripley. We are pulled in by him and even understand him. This is an accomplishment considering he kills people and steals someone's identity. This is actually the first book in a series Highsmith wrote about Tom Ripley.

Like in many books from the period, Tom is never quite identified as fully homosexual. He has homosexual tendencies and desires that are hinted at, but not fully acted upon (at least in the first book). The book is an interesting exploration of jealousy and admiration. Tom is taken in by another man and his life. For many who struggle with their sexuality, this is a relatable feeling. I often remember looking at straight guys and wishing I could be more like them. That, of course, faded with my full acceptance of who I am. Tom isn't so lucky. He becomes obsessed with the Dickie Greenleaf character, because Dickie represents this traditional view of masculinity that Tom is never able to be achieve. Tom is also limited in his ability to live an open gay life in the 1950s (though that is not directly considered in the novel).

Having seen the film version first, I was a little nervous about how the book would change my view of the film. There are some striking differences, but I think both accomplish a similar task in slightly different ways. The first half of both are fairly similar, but the second halves take different turns. In part, this is a good examination of the differences between film and literature. In the book, Tom is alone a lot more in the second half. In the film, they create a character named Meredith, played by the wonderful Cate Blanchett, who befriends Tom as he is posing as Dickie Greenleaf. Obviously, it is much harder to get everything across on film, if the character is alone.

The book, however, does such a great job of getting us inside Tom's mind and how repulsed he is by the majority of people. There are some wonderfully humorous lines in the book especially about Marge (Dickie's girlfriend), who won't give up the search for Dickie after Tom has murdered him. The interactions between Marge and Tom are more interesting in the book than in the film. The film made Marge a more likable character as played by Gwyneth Paltrow.

In all, I like both the book and the film. I still believe it is one of Matt Damon's best performances. He embodies Tom Ripley and really brings the character to life. If you haven't seen the film, I do recommend it.

The book also is interesting because it portrays a queer character as a criminal and murderer. This is a common occurrence in the literature and film of the time period. You actually still see it in a lot of film today. A good portion of male villains are often portrayed with effeminate qualities (look at almost any Disney film). This can be troubling and, in some cases, offensive. Highsmith's book, however, dives a bit deeper into the psychology of it. Tom does not have queer qualities as a simple explanation for his actions or as an excuse for them. As I said before, it also provides an interesting exploration of masculinity in the 1950s. The post-WWII male is hyper-masculine. In this case, it works well and doesn't come off as a cheap ploy or an easy way out. Tom is a complicated figure and has many sides to him. I'm interested in reading her other books in the series and seeing where she takes Tom.

This book has added to my knowledge of the period and of the treatment of queer characters. Tom Ripley is a character you can't easily forget much like that cock shot of Jude Law.

-Stephen (Talented)

Bloomsday: The Power of One Book

2011-06-15T13:36:00.004-04:00

I typically use this blog to write about poetry, but today I'm devoting a post to fiction and a book that changed me forever.

Seven years ago, I was in Dublin, Ireland doing an independent study on James Joyce's Ulysses. I was there for the 99th anniversary of Bloomsday, which is tomorrow. For those who do not know, Bloomsday is the celebration of the day (June 16, 1904) that Joyce picked as the focus of his masterpiece Ulysses. The whole book happens in just one day and follows a not so heroic man, Leopold Bloom, through Dublin.

The novel is structured around The Odyssey and uses various different styles of writing for each chapter. For example, one chapter is written as a script and another in a very journalist style. The book was originally published in 1922, which is one of the most important years in Modernist literature, which is my biggest interest and focus of study. I've always had a fascination with the beginning of the 20th century because of how much the world changed. The literature of the period responds so well to the complications of this new modern world.

I read this book the spring of my sophomore year at my own choosing. I got one of my favorite professors to do a directed study with me that semester. I read a chapter a week and we meet each week to talk about it. I then wrote an essay on the book and a grant to go to Ireland for a month by myself to further study Joyce and be there for the big Bloomsday celebration. The grant got approved and I got a free trip to Ireland for four weeks.

For Americans, it might seem odd to have such a big celebration around a book. In Ireland, however, Bloomsday is a huge celebration. There are tons of events, reenactments, tours, plays, talks, and just general fun. I loved seeing a city so proud of a book. I saw tons of cars with bumper stickers saying "I've Read Ulysses." Quite a bit different from American bumper stickers promoting the love of guns, the support of war, and pleas to "save the tatas." Of course, I had an amazing time and felt like I was inside the book.

Ulysses is considered, by many, to be one of the greatest novels ever written and I agree. Joyce is a master of language and each and everyone sentence his writes carries so much weight. When you read it, you actually need a reference book to help you understand all that is happening and the careful construction of each and every phrase.

I've been thinking about Joyce a lot recently because of a NPR story on Frank Delaney who is currently deconstructing each sentence of Ulysses through daily podcasts. He's been doing it for a year and just got through chapter 1. The project is a huge one, but it shows you just how rich and complicated Joyce is. You don't see a writer like him everyday. Even if you haven't read Ulysses, it is worth taking a listen to one of these podcasts to get a sense of what I'm talking about.

My favorite chapter of Ulysses is the final chapter (18). It is in the voice of Leopold Bloom's wife and contains no punctuation other than a period at the end of the chapter. It's an amazing exploration of love, marriage, and the struggles of life. It also contains the famous last words of the novel, which are "and yes I said yes I will Yes." I have these words on a t-shirt I bought in Dublin, which is what I'm wearing in the photo above.

Ulysses is forever apart of my life and my experiences. It is tied to my own growth as a writer and reader. It is tied to my first trip to Europe and my first trip by myself. Ulysses reminds me of the power of language and literature and how no matter how much technology or other forms of entertainment we come up with, nothing can replace a well-written, complicated, fascinating, rich, and often quite vulgar book.

-Stephen (Yes)

Podcast 36: Visiting My Parents After Watching For the Love of Dolly

2011-06-13T18:20:00.004-04:00

I haven't posted a new poetry podcast in quite awhile, so I thought today was a good day to share a poem that just got published. This podcast is a reading of my poem "Visiting My Parents After Watching For the Love of Dolly," which is in the new issue of Mary. The issue can be pre-ordered now and ships on June 16th.

This poem truly reflects on my own upbringing and the idea of collecting things and personal obsessions. It uses the documentary about obsessed Dolly Parton fans as a jumping off point, but goes well beyond that to explore the connections we have with our belongings.

I recently wrote a blog post about "capturing my roots" and being from the Midwest. This poem feels very grounded in the Midwest and reflective of my upbringing there, so it serves as a good example of everything I wrote about in that post.

I hope you will enjoy hearing me read this piece, but I also really hope you will get online and order yourself a copy of Mary.

Listen here.

-Stephen (Obsessed)

In Cold Blood: A Gay Man's Reading

2011-06-08T17:17:00.006-04:00

Today I finished reading Truman Capote's In Cold Blood for the very first time. It is a book I put on my "29 Books for 29 Years" 2011 reading list. Before reading, I was fairly familiar with Capote and had read quite a few of his others works. I also knew quite a bit about his life. I've seen the films Capote and Infamous and have done my own reading on him, so I came to the book with a fair understanding of what to expect and the basic story he was going to tell, but nothing prepared me for his amazing ability to paint the figures of this true story from the Clutters to Dick and Perry to the various townspeople.

The book truly is a masterpiece. The language is powerful, specific, and often quite beautiful. It is also a great book to examine from a writer's perspective. How do you tell this story when most people already know the ending? We know they will get caught. We know they did it. We know they will hang. But Capote somehow manages to pull us into the story and make us see it from all angles. This isn't a suspenseful "whodunit," but rather a careful examination of a particular crime and the effects on everyone involved.

Rarely do you see murderers in such a truthful and fair light. We know Dick and Perry are guilty. We hear their confessions and the gruesome details of their crime. We know that both don't have the amount of remorse or shame that one might want or expect, but at the same time these figures are very real and very honest and we actually like them (or at least I did). The sympathy or liking the reader might have for these men is carefully spliced with the lives these men took and the toll it takes on a small town and the detectives burdened with solving the crime. In many ways, I didn't really feel the need to pick sides. My understanding was there for nearly all the characters in the book because of Capote's writing.

Capote is careful and generous with all the people who appear in book, but as you read you do feel that Perry emerges as a central character. I felt the most for him in the book even though he is the one who pulled the trigger and killed the four victims. There are many reasons for Perry surfacing in this way. There is some evidence Capote was in love Perry or, at least, clearly liked him better than Dick and felt more sympathy for him. Perhaps this made Capote compelled to feature him in a central way. It might also be that Perry is the most fascinating character in the book. He's the most complicated and the one that challenges our ideas of justice and criminal behavior. Perry doesn't fit into a box. The crime itself was so unnecessary, random, and absurd, which makes it all the more terrifying. What made Perry do this? As a reader, you want to find out and understand.

One reason I really wanted to read this book is because I've spent the last year or so writing and putting together a poetry book manuscript that I hope will be my first book and that explores various violent crimes and the gay man's interest or fasciation or connection with death and violence. The manuscript contains my long poem about Jeffrey Dahmer as well as poems dealing with hate crimes, car accidents, HIV/AIDS, and a series of poems I wrote based on my own interactions (through letters) with a gay porn star who is serving 20 years in prison for assaulting an elderly couple. I actually reference Capote and Perry in a couple of the poems. It seemed from all this, it was time to read this book.

As I read the book, I couldn't help but think about Capote writing it and what got him so interested in this crime. Horrible things happen everyday. Brutal crimes are committed, but this one grabbed Capote and he saw a masterpiece in his head. The fact that the book is fair to the criminals is also striking. Capote, who was a very effeminate gay man, found something human and interesting in these men. Men others wanted to pass off as horrible monsters. I have to wonder if part of the fasincation comes from the fact that he was gay. As gay people we are treated as outsiders like criminals are. In the 50s and 60s, we were even more so (many were actually arrested as criminals for their "unnatural" behavior). I am not saying that gay people are like murderers or that we should all band together, but I do think there is something to the idea of connecting to the misunderstood or hated, even if you are misunderstood or hated for very different reasons.

Capote didn't shut these men out. He wanted to hear their stories. What would In Cold Blood look like if a straight man had written it? There is no way of telling for sure, but I imagine it would be a very different tale. In this way, Capote is a vital part of the story he is telling even though he doesn't appear in the book itself.

Capote is someone I have always been interested in and someone I admire for his openness and his refusal to be anything but who he was. He also had a very distinctive way of speaking, so as someone who has always been made fun of for my voice, I find a special kinship with him.

If you haven't ever read In Cold Blood, I highly recommend it. I also recommend the film Capote. It gives some interesting insights into the writing of the book and raises fascinating ethical questions about writing books based on true events and people. In the end, the book connected with me and my own writing project and for that I'm thankful to have read it.

-Stephen (Hot)

Capturing My Roots

2011-06-06T17:59:00.005-04:00

When you grow up in a city in the Midwest whose only claim to fame is being the RV capital of the world, you quickly plan your escape and dream of a life far beyond the city walls. I grew up in Richmond, Indiana and spent my first 18 years right there. It wasn't altogether bad, but I always felt like it wasn't the right place for me. This could be because I was struggling with being gay and literally knew no other gay people in my hometown. Or it could be that my dreams and goals were bigger than the whole city could handle.

From a very young age, I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to be someone who might just change the world. Richmond isn't full of very many big dreamers. Many people graduate from high school and stay right there. They find middle of the road jobs. They get married young. They raise families. They go to craft fairs. They have family dinners. They don't have much desire to leave. This was nothing I wanted.

At 18, I left for college, which was actually in an even smaller town in Indiana, but there I was surrounded by those who did dream and were bound for great things. There in college, my writing truly took off and the first thing I did was avoid writing about my life or Indiana or Richmond. At that point, I hadn't really lived much of a life, but I thought no one would ever want to hear about my hometown or my past or my family. I thought these were sad inspirations for a "true writer." Instead, I wrote about things I didn't know much about (sometimes even heterosexual sex, can you imagine?).

When I graduated from college and moved to Florida to pursue my MFA, I slowly started to move to the more personal poetry and started to reflect on my Midwest upbringing and what it could bring to my work. To many of my peers, this was interesting. Many of them were from all different places in the country and were interested in the specifics of Indiana.

At first, I saw this as a weakness. I wasn't born in a cool place. I wasn't the child of big intellectuals or writers or artists. I didn't runaway from home and head to the big city either. For a long time, I thought the fact that I was born in the "wrong" place would make my chances for success even less.

I finally figured out that I can't change my past. I can't change my family or where I grew up. No matter how different I feel from many other Midwesterners, I know that my experiences have shaped me and made me into the person and poet I am today. That doesn't mean I should only write about the Midwest. I am not a regional writer. I've now lived in Florida for six years and much of Florida has seeped into my work. But it was important for me to realize that I didn't have to completely escape my roots and that there is value in my past.

I've been thinking a lot about this because I have recently focused my attention on writing a long poem that is rooted in my hometown. In many ways, it is a tribute or examination of Richmond and Indiana. The poem focuses on the 1968 explosion that happened in downtown Richmond and killed 41 people. The explosion has always been in the back of my mind because of the stories I grew up hearing. My mother was very close to be killed in it, but by chance left the area right before it happened. The poem also weaves together pieces of my family history, MLK's assassination, which happened just two days before the explosion, and the history of the KKK in Indiana. It's been a big project and I'm still in the middle of it and not sure exactly where it will take me. Right now it is about 12 or 13 pages and has required a lot of research, which I've enjoyed doing.

Working on this poem has made me realize the rich history that we all have and the uniqueness of each town and family. I'm learning knew things about my own past and about the place I grew up. Of course, I'm also loving the ability to weave and mold these pieces into what I want them to be poetically.

We can try to be the writer we think we should be or we can be the writer that we are. I've decided to fight for the writer I am and use everything I have to be the very best I can. This poem is going to be a perfect example of that. Now, if only I could find a title for it.

-Stephen (Home)

Pride & Publications

2011-06-01T11:40:00.000-04:00

June is here and with June comes Gay Pride Month, which is one of my favorite times of the year. It is the kick-off of summer and a time to celebrate who I am and the community I am so proud to be a part of. I will be spending the next few days enjoying Gay Days 2011 right here in Orlando. If you are gay or a straight person looking for a good time and haven't ever come to Gay Days, you are missing out. Gay Days is an annual event that has grown enormous over the years. Over 150,000 gays come into Orlando making it one of the biggest Pride events in the world. It is a blast and I'm looking forward to having a great time with my boyfriend, my friends, and maybe some new friends.

To help me kick-off Gay Pride Month here on Joe's Jacket, I thought I would mention two upcoming gay publications that will be featuring my work and discuss the issues involved in publishing in gay focused journals.

When I started seriously submitting my work, I was unsure about submitting to lots of gay publications. By gay publications, I mean those promoting themselves as gay and seeking work by GLBT writers solely or mostly. As a new writer, you are given lots of advice on things like submitting to niche journals (especially if you come from an academic background and seek an academic career). I was hesitant, but kept thinking about it and realized that some of my work would reach a much better and willing audience through some gay publications, so I began to submit to them.

The truth is, I have never had anything against gay journals, but, like with many minority groups, sometimes quality is not the point or the main focus. I don't want someone selecting my work because it is gay, but because it is well-written. I also don't want to be in a publication that publishes cliched and badly written poems about being gay just because they want to support gay writers. Being gay doesn't make you a good writer. Luckily, I realized there were some great options out there for me and for some of my work.

What I now try to do is strike a balance. I feel a duty to support quality gay journals. I want young and old gay people to be able to easily find work by me that relates to their own lives and experiences. I also attempt to write work that reflects things I often don't see in other gay poetry. This, of course, doesn't stop me from submitting to non-gay publications as well. In fact, I have more published in non-gay focused places than in gay ones. There are no hard and fast rules for how you should publish. You can find just about anyone that will tell you just about anything you should or shouldn't do. Rarely will the advice be the same. You have to do what feels right. I look for quality journals that strike me no matter what their focus is.

In the next few weeks, I will be featured in two gay publications that I'm thrilled about. The first up is Mary, which is a publication out of Brooklyn. You can pre-order the issue now and it will ship on June 16th. The issue includes my poem "Visiting My Parents After Watching For the Love of Dolly." This issue also has, possibly, the best cover of any journal I've been published in so far, so you will want a copy for sure.

I will also have a poem in the third issue of Assaracus, which is due out July 1st. You can pre-order the issue now. I was in the first issue of the journal as one of the featured poets. In this issue, there is a special feature on James Franco poems. These are all written by different poets and I am one of them. My poem is titled "Dreaming of James Franco." What I love about Assaracus is that is gives poets the chance to publish longer pieces or various pieces. The featured poets are all given 10 to 15 pages to fill. It truly is a publication devoted to poetry and exposing readers to the variety that is out there. I am thrilled to be in this issue, but I'd buy it for other poets.

For me, nothing is better than new gay poetry during Pride Month, so go pre-order yourself a copy of these journals and get reading!

-Stephen (Proud)

Two Years of Blogging

2011-05-25T10:56:00.004-04:00

I was a little late to the blogging party. Almost as soon as I started blogging, the death of the blog was announced in various articles, but I kept going. Yes, two years ago today, I started this blog and I'm still at it.

I was skeptical at first and wasn't sure anyone would read it. I also wasn't sure I'd be motivated enough to post on a regular basis. All of this proved wrong. I came at blogging at the right time for me. I was a year out of grad school and I was feeling a disconnect with the literary world I had so closely been connected with before. I wanted to reach out virtually and connect with other people and writers. Amazingly, that is exactly what happened.

This blog has kept me critically thinking about poetry and other social and pop culture topics. It has forced me to put into words my ideas and arguments. In other words, it has kept me sharp with my prose writing and has let me do more informal critical work.

It has also served as a great way to promote my own work. I don't post poems on my site for various publication reasons, but I have posted various podcasts and links to where you can read or purchase my work. My name has gotten out there because of this self-promotion, which I was, again, skeptical of at first. Who really wants to go out there and promote themselves? I felt uncomfortable, but realized the poetry world is small and I can't just wait for some person to come along and tell everyone that I'm great. I need to prove it with hard work and with getting the word out there. The internet and social networking sites have made that easier and easier.

My blog has also provided a place for me to help promote poets and books that I love. This year I have taken on doing interviews with various emerging GLBT poets and those interviews have gotten my blog more hits than anything I've done. It has also made me feel more connected to the people I've met through publications, schooling, and the internet.

My life has changed quite a bit in the last two years. My work has grown enormously. I've published more than ever before. I've made more connections and friends as well. In the last few months, I've hit a sort of wall in my personal life and I feel I am at a crossroads. I have to figure out the next chapter of my life and where I want to go. Joe's Jacket has helped give me a purpose and a voice in my frustration. I don't know how long my blog will last or where it will take me, but for now I'm happy with the past two years and all the posts I've written.

I want to thank everyone who has read this blog and helped promote it. I've enjoyed reading your comments and knowing you are out there.

-Stephen (Happy Birthday, Joe)

Interview Series: Evan J. Peterson

2011-05-19T10:01:00.005-04:00

One of my favorite parts of my blog is the interview series I started in January. Each month, I have interviewed a different emerging GLBT poet and each one has made me think and question my own ideas about poetry. I’ve gotten a great response from all of the interviews. You can check out past interviews under the "interview series" tab at the top of the page.

This is my fifth one and it features a conversation with Evan J. Peterson. Evan was a peer of mine at FSU during my MFA program. He currently lives in Seattle and had some great perspectives to share. I hope you enjoy our chat.

Stephen: How did you first come to poetry? How and when did you know you were a poet?

Evan: My mother read poetry to me when I was a small child, lots of Shel Silverstein and Jack Prelutsky. I started creating my own, either through vocal rhyming or on the page. I'm also a musical person, finding rhythms and singing when I'm happy. Then I became absorbed into prosey free verse, and it wasn't until very recently that I began exploring music and rhyme in my poetry again.

S: We first met at Florida State University while we were both getting our MFAs. What made you decide to get your MFA and what was your experience like at FSU?

E: I went for an MFA because the "real" world is boring and, to most spiritualities, complete illusion and soul-detritus anyway. I wanted to create a life that immersed me in the creation and experience of hot literature. If that means teaching it, so be it. If it means working for a nonprofit while I write and read, that's cool too.

I had a great experience at FSU. I was surrounded by brilliant friends and mentors who live to write and read, and although Tallahassee isn't Seattle, it's not culturally desolate either.

S: The “real” world is boring is a pretty good reason. I like that. I wanted to interview you because your work is quite different from mine and from really everyone’s I’ve interviewed so far. Some might classify your work as more experimental. You often play with forms and splicing things together. How do you describe your own work?

E: I like to have fun and be open when I write. I've always tried different forms to see what they'll yield, but things became extra outré when I began the Frankenstein project and the Monster became the speaker. Experiments, fragmentation, and discomfort are his condition, so many of the poems reflect that. If a poem wants to be a series of broken images and decontextualized film quotes, I let it be, so the readers are made as uncomfortable as the speaker. At the same time, I take care to be precise when being experimental so as not to alienate the readers utterly, just have them sympathize with the alienation of the Monster. It's like a date—I want to be intriguing, not inscrutable. Heaven help me if I ever become impenetrable.

To connect this to your other interviewees, I tend to make the forms queer, rather than talking about gay politics and other topical matters. I tend to downplay the subject of queer culture in favor of presenting something more visceral. The Monster has one female breast. That's pretty queer.

S: Yes, that is pretty queer. This is a great example of the diversity of queerness and queer poetry. The idea of comfort plays a strong role in my work as well, but more so within the content than with the form, so I find this very interesting.

As you know and as my readers know, I have a great interest in the use of pop culture in poetry. From my experience with your work, you seem influenced by pop culture and, in particular, film. How did this come about and how does that influence work in your poetry?

E: I'm a fanatical acolyte of the Cult of the Image. My father is a photographer, my mother a librarian. I want to create provocative pictures in my readers' imaginations. All senses preferably, but visual imagery is the way we transform sounds/words into pictures. Magic. So pop music, film, myths, comics, larger-than-life characters and situations propel my work. I just started a series of ekphrastic poems inspired by Nick Cave's soundsuits—divine.

The Frankenstein manuscript contains quite a few poems in which the Monster reviews and responds to monster movies, some of which feature him as a character. Some of these are collected in prose form as an experimental fiction piece coming out soon in Weird Tales magazine. I wanted that meta element of this classic literary character commenting on his portrayal by Hollywood. It further disorients him to evolve from a creature of literature into one of film. He also responds to other classic movie monsters, including the Golem, the Fly, and Joan Crawford.

S: As someone who loves the “meta element” and pop culture in poetry, those poems sound amazing.

You’ve spent a good portion of your life in Florida, but now live in Seattle. How do the poetry scenes differ and what has your experience been like out there?

E: I've been rolling this question around in my mouth, wondering how to answer it. Their differences are subtle yet distinct. Seattle is far whiter than Florida, so that has directly influenced the nature of local poetry. I firmly believe that most white Americans appreciate poetry much less frequently than other ethnicities and other nationalities. But here's the curious part: Seattle has a huge poetry scene, bigger certainly than Miami. Less African American, Latin, and Caribbean influence, but the literature is uplifted. It is no exaggeration to say that in any given week, there are more poetry events than I can attend, often on the same night. Maybe it's the Asian influence? And yes, I'm being reductive and bordering on racial discrimination, but fuck it. White Americans don't read as much poetry as we should. Other nationalities and ethnicities invest more in poetry. It's a fact.

Now having said all that, I am immensely grateful to people and organizations like Brian McGuigan, Ela Barton, Josie Davis, Jenise Silva, and Richard Hugo House for continually tapping me for public readings. And they're just a fraction of people keeping literature thriving in Seattle.

S: I have to say I am rather jealous. I’ve spent the last three years in Orlando, which is not exactly a great place for poetry. I know from reading your blog and seeing your Facebook updates, you seem to do a lot of readings or performances of your poetry. What value do you place on doing these readings?

E: Well then, Stephen, if there's a drought of poetry in your city, I dare you to create more poetry events in town.

I place immense value on readings. I live in a place where poetry isn't merely read, it's experienced live all the time. Several people here treat poetry like a religion, and that makes me into an evangelist of sorts. People dig what I do on stage, and so I go the extra mile to make the audience glad that they attended. It comes back to the pop culture topic: why shouldn't poetry be entertaining as well as intellectual? I like gaining new fans of my own work, but the greatest value of live readings is to convert the merely curious into avid poetry fans. They connect in ways they may not have on the page.

S: I couldn’t agree more. I love exposing people to poetry that they didn’t know existed. So many people have such a narrow view of poetry and public readings really can help change that.

As you’ve mentioned, you have a completed manuscript that you are shopping around that is themed around Frankenstein. Could you speak a little bit about how that came into fruition?

E: I had never read Frankenstein, and I was on a road trip listening to it on cd. I found so much empathy with the Monster. At the time, I was re-experiencing some emotional garbage that had been dumped on me by various people over the years. Things had happened to my body and my spirit that I could relate to the monster within a relatively thin veil of metaphor. It all clicked together. I dropped the project I'd been working on and immersed myself in monsters. This remything of myself helped me to put the past behind me as the monster does. There's no magical happy resolution in the book, but there is relief and peace. My life is quite happy now, to be sure.

Even though we get the Monster's side of the story in Shelley's book, it's filtered. It's Shelley's version of Walton's version of Victor's version of the Monster's story. And with the two hundred years of culture, philosophy, and science that have emerged since Shelley's fable, the project just kept giving me new facets to explore. There's so much there to write about and extrapolate and embellish. I worked diligently to keep the poems from becoming repetitive.

S: It sounds like a great project. I love the combination of themes and taking a piece of classic literature and reexamining it.

Moving in a slightly different direction: If a cute young gay man came up to you and told you he wanted to be a poet, what advice would you give him?

E: Read voraciously. Write every day if you can, whether you feel like it or not. Especially when you don't feel like it. And, if he's indeed privileged to be "cute," I'd advise him to work his charm and sex appeal. Don't play people, and be kind and gracious to everyone, but be as monster-truckin' adorable as you can. And be audacious. As wary as I am of quoting Madonna, she has an excellent observation in her little Sex book: "Most people don't ask for what they want. This is why most people don't get what they want." I always ask for what I want, and a delicious amount of the time, I get it.

S: That’s pretty good advice. I can say that social networking sites, which allow more people to view photos of you, have helped me get published and I’m not ashamed to say it.

E: Right? And if someone doesn't feel cute by common standards, I say be adorable in other ways. If you only have one eye, a gold eyepatch covered in rhinestones never hurt anyone's chances of getting readings and publications. Just look what it did for James Joyce. I saw Nomi Lamm live, and she happens to be obese and missing a leg. She came out in a tutu, a tiara, and a drawn-on Dali mustache and read her ass off. I was in love. Love, I tell you!

S: Who are your greatest influences?

E: David Bowie. Marc Bolan. Prince. Bjork. Leigh Bowery. Peaches. Did you mean page poets? Allen Ginsberg. Sylvia Plath. D. A. Powell. Clive Barker. Oscar Wilde. And my poetic godparents, David Kirby and Barbara Hamby.

S: You currently teach at some community colleges in Seattle and I know you taught at FSU. When you teach poetry, how do you approach it? What are the challenges? Where do you start?

E: I try to approach poetry with immense openness and gusto. I present it as a feast, and students aren't obliged to like everything, only try everything I suggest. I start with emphasis on concrete imagery, then I stress imagination, boldness, and experimentation. Forms, tone, and other elements of precision are then applied to the raw gold we've brought through. I suppose the greatest challenge is creating a supportive and reliable community in a classroom full of artists. Writer's block, flakiness, paralyzing self-criticism; these are the main challenges that students bring, but I can relate to them. I try to be supportive.

S: Now for some fun: What poet(s) dead or live would you most like to have sex with? And what kind of sex would it be?

E: Arthur Rimbaud. I would absolutely teach him new levels of synesthesia. I bet Aleister Crowley would've been a fun hookup, too. As far as the living, we've got some stunningly handsome queer men on the scene. Charles Jensen. Alex Dimitrov. Matthew Hittinger. I just met Randall Mann, who is so gorgeous I can't even stand it. I had a cold the night I met him, and I was a mess. It was tragic.

"What kind" is strictly need-to-know. I'm rather modest for a poet. Also, I never dish anything on the net that I wouldn't want my dean, students, or mother to read. Call me if you'd really like to know.

S: Randall Mann is quite gorgeous. I lost my modesty somewhere and can’t seem to find it. I’ll dish anywhere. What is something that you absolutely love that would surprise most people?

E: Domesticity. The feeling of security and ease. I'd like to be permanently coupled in the not-too-distant future. That's the most shocking thing I adore—heteronormative family life.

S: If you could take any poem and turn it into a film, what poem would you pick and why?

E: "Lady Lazarus" by Plath. This was the poem that ripped my face off and taught me that horror was a viable genre for poetry. Sure, we have Poe, but he's often fetishized to the exclusion of other horror poetry. If you know a young person who is crazy about Poe, get them to read Plath or Charles Simic or whomever you want to recommend.

S: What is one poem you think is so great that you totally wish you had written it?

E: "Howl" for sure. I've mainlined that poem for years when I've needed inspiration (aesthetic inspiration as well as Ginsberg's boldness and diligence).

S: What celebrity should play you in your bio-pic?

E: Patrick Wolf. We have similar speaking voices, similar singing voices, and similar facial structure. And he's a hot ginger fairy. He could play you too. And if we can't get him, just get James Franco to do it. He plays every gay poet now anyway. He'll be playing Reginald Shepherd before we know it.

S: I think James Franco is also doing a Maya Angelou bio-pic, should be interesting. Lastly, what are you currently working on?

E: Getting this sucker published! I feel creatively inspired, but I have to focus on sending this dark little manuscript out as well.

My new poems are the opposite emotional direction. They're filled with ecstasy at the fertile world, magic, myths, and genuine optimism. I'm also developing a novel about gay superheroes in love. I'm all about growing and loving and the bright sensory pleasures of the world right now. Meanwhile, rainy Seattle continues to be the Year Without A Summer. It worked for Mary Shelley. It'll work for me.
S: Good luck with all of that and thanks for taking with me.

-Stephen (Q&A)

Imagine a World Without Christians

2011-05-16T15:28:00.005-04:00

Growing up, I was a huge John Lennon fan. In middle school, I did a big research project on him and even came for my presentation dressed in an old 1960s shirt and wire-rimmed pink-tinted glasses. This was thanks to my dad who never gets rid of anything. "Imagine" has always been one of my favorite songs and a challenging song for me when I first listened to it.

I was raised in a Christian home. I went to a Quaker church for the first 12 years of my childhood and then to a First Christian Church until I left for college. My family went every Sunday. I went to Sunday school, youth group, special holiday services, pitch-ins, and anything else you can imagine. Don't get me wrong, my parents weren't fire and brimstone Christians. They didn't threaten me with hell or judgement day. My mother would occasionally pull out the "would Jesus watch that with you" when I was watching a movie or TV show she didn't approve of, but for the most part they were the "love everyone and do the right thing" kind of Christians.

I, however, was always a little skeptical and that's where John Lennon comes into play. His song made me think about the idea of a world without a heaven or a hell or religion. For a young boy in Indiana, that is a pretty wild idea. Lennon's song imagines a world where people just do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. What would that look like? My parents both grew up in the 60s and early 70s, but weren't really into the hippy free love scene we've romanticized in film and television. They were midwesterners, and so was I, until I moved to Florida six years ago.

After getting to college (still in Indiana), my faith was constantly called into question by everything I read, learned, and experienced, and when I turned twenty I realized I didn't believe in God and that I firmly believed organized religion caused more harm in the world than good. My atheist thoughts and beliefs have only strengthened and seem to be constantly reinforced by the actions of Christians and other religious groups. I single out Christianity only because it is the biggest religion in this country and the one I've seen the most harm from firsthand.

Strangely enough, being an atheist seems to shock people more these days than being gay. I've written about this before. Many atheists choose to be quiet most of the time. We don't have many prominent spokespeople. Most us will let a "God bless" or "I'll pray for you" slide by from time to time. We have grown to accept we live in a country where our politicians have to be religious (or pretend to be) to get elected and that they must mention God from time to time in speeches. We actually have to put up with a lot, which is what has brought me to writing this post.

This Saturday, May 21st, is a day that a small, but rather vocal group of Christians believe is the second coming of Christ and judgement day. If you live here in Orlando where I live, you have probably seen the countless billboards all around town proclaiming the return of Jesus Christ (save the date). You can find out more information about this belief by visiting www.familyradio.com. If you can make sense of their website, please let me know (we only have five days left).

If we take this belief to be true, the Christians will all be taken up in the rapture on the 21st. The rest of us will be left here to live in chaos until October 21, 2011 when the world will be destroyed by fire. All of this is proclaimed on their website.

This got me thinking: what would the world be like without all the Christians? What if we really had from May to October without any Christians here on Earth? Well, for starters, the anti-gay movement would lose a lot of power. In fact, we could probably pass equal rights for all people before October. We'd be able to teach people proper sexual education in schools. We'd actually elect people based on skill, education, and ability and not on religious background. I think a whole lot less people would care about Obama's birth certificate and seeing Osama's death photographs. Basically, when you think about it, a good portion of conflict in this country is largely caused by Christians. Imagine a world where people are treated fairly based on being human. Imagine a world where people don't force their beliefs onto everyone else. It doesn't sound so bad, does it?

Of course, I'm partly being silly here. I don't really think the Christians are going anywhere on May 21st, but if they are going to subject me to their beliefs, I'm going to spend a few happy moments imagining a world without them in it.

-Stephen (Imagine)

PHOTOGRAPH BY BOB GRUEN